


Cacoethes

by Atari_Irata



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Enby/Gender Non-conforming afab femme reader character, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, POV Alternating, POV Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya, Past Rape/Non-con, Possible ED trigger/mention of starving body, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Smut, Swearing, Trust Issues, but I really just wrote this for smut, so many trigger warnings, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atari_Irata/pseuds/Atari_Irata
Summary: Cacoethes | noun: The urge to do something inadvisable“ Moving slowly he places an arm around your back and under your knees. You close your eyes tight. No flashbacks. No flashbacks. No flashbacks. He lifts you like you’re weightless and holds you. “Open your  eyes” comes a warm whisper. You feel tickles on your face. His hair cascades over you as he places a kiss on your forehead.“When I tried to die in a river this is not what I expected to happen”“I thought it was a stream?”You both smile as he starts down the stairs. ”Just another cliche story of the son of Dracula and a snarky (Belmont-esque) overconfident peasant finding they hate each other less than they thought. Written in a little more ‘poetic’ structure style.Inspired by “Behind These Castle Walls” by The_Littlest_Raindrop & Zalykria—
Relationships: Alucard (Castlevania)/Reader, Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya/Reader
Comments: 17
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Behind These Castle Walls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23552641) by [The_Littlest_Raindrop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Littlest_Raindrop/pseuds/The_Littlest_Raindrop), [Zalkyria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalkyria/pseuds/Zalkyria). 



> I write in a way where there are ‘poetry breaks’ and non existing punctuation. It is purposeful and may not be appealing to all readers. 
> 
> I tried to keep the reader description very vague to make them more relatable. No skin/hair/eye color is mentioned.
> 
> Please read the trigger warnings, I do not want anyone to be hurt by this <3

Cold red cheeks—  
Stinging  
Heavy breaths 

You can’t feel your body  
Between the adrenaline and your racing mind everything else but falls away 

Are your legs still moving?  
They must be.. he hasn’t caught up with you yet. The forest has grown overly thick as you raced your way further in. How far have you run? The world finally grew quiet, only the sound of your heaving breathing piercing the still forest. You’ve finally made it far enough he stopped chasing you.

A small stream glimmered a few yards off. Walking over and kneeling at the edge you cup your hands and splash cold water over your face, gently touching a puffy eye knowing it will soon be black beneath it. Before there is even a chance to regain composure a boot makes violent contact with your back all but kicking you across the stream.

Landing face first in the water you can feel pain all over your body where it hit the jagged rocks beneath you. 

“Thought you got away did you boy?” He scowls  
Rolling to your side your eyes flick up—  
the glint of a butchers knife catches on the setting sun 

This is it, all these morbid years finally leading to your violent death out where no one will ever find you

“I finally caught you after all this time and I’m gonna gut you like a pig” he says with black lifeless eyes, putting a heavy foot on your head 

You squeeze your eyes closed as hard as you can and then you feel warm

So warm

Tingly even?

Taking his foot he rolls you onto your back and with a bitter cold tinge in his voice he spits on you  
“You don’t get the luxury of a quick death you little shit.”

He turns his back and saunters away

You didn’t realize how tightly you were gripping your stomach.. you pull your hand away slowly looking down

So much blood

You can’t see where the blood ended and you began  
A heavy sigh you relax your body, this is what you’ve wanted, isn’t it? Laying here slowly falling into darkness is better than any life you could go back to. Your head drops with a small splash onto the rocks beneath. Staring at the evening sky small stars wink at you. ‘At least my final moments are met with beauty’ you think. With your body in shock all you felt was a growing warmth vibrating and consuming you. Black crept around the outside of your vision. Barely conscious the cold moving water felt heavenly.

One last sigh leaves your lips as the stars fade to black 

__________

//: ‘Lately these evening walks have been a small solace’ Alucard thinks as he steps slowly through the thick trees  
Being stuck inside the castle as well as his own thoughts had been especially upsetting and dangerous as of late. 

Stopping to look up he takes a deep breath of the cool evening air. As he does the stench of blood fills his nose.  
Human blood.  
Breathing deeper, following the smell he realizes anyone who had spilt this much blood is surly dead.  
His nose leads him to a shallow river, gazing further down he sees a lifeless lump. Curiosity taking the better of him he swoops to the side of the lump and crouches down. A boy splayed out on his back, hand draped over his middle that is entirely crimson red from blood.  
“Pity” he actually says aloud  
Noticing the laugh lines on their beaten face he realizes this is not a boy but a man. Starved to the point his frame appeared sunken and child-like. Even though he knows it’s futile he focuses his hearing and places his fingers on their throat.

Disbelief and a chill fall over him—

There is still a pulse.

Inner conflict bubbles.. ‘how on earth can I still care for humans’  
Remembering his unspoken promise that the only humans he will ever care for again are Sypha.. and maybe even Belmont.

But his mother’s voice echoes hums of her ever-caring nature towards humanity in his ear

He sighs looking down at one of his favorite white shirts and then gently scoops the wet bloody lump into his cradled arms. He moves with purpose towards the castle. Kicking the front door ajar and heading straight to the basement that held his mother’s old medical lab. 

Flicking on the lights it seemed untouched except a thick layer of dust blanketing it. A large long table stood in the middle of the room next to old medical instruments. ‘His mother had treated one or two here.. or at least dissected something’ he cringed. He splayed the mans body onto the table. Opting to tear the clothes instead of wasting time properly undoing them.

A gaping cut seven inches or more from the mans hip towards his middle made Alucard’s eyes wide. He could see the inside of the body. Layers of flesh and fat giving way to organs. 

He took a deep breath and realized a second very taut shirt lied underneath.  
“No” he whispered. Not a shirt but fabric wrapped over and over again around their chest.

Oh.

That explains the lack of masculine features making him look more of a child. 

He removed their bottoms and opted to carefully cut away the wrapping as small breasts and many blue and yellow bruises revealed themselves.

All their clothing removed they were emaciated. Every rib showing an outline all the way up to their collar. He felt far away like everything in front of him was a dream.

Examining the injury he sighs 

‘they’re going to die..’ 

Regardless he rolls his sleeves and gets hot water. Taking a cloth he scrupulously cleans the wound; the body beneath him slightly twitching as he does. Their midsection clean of blood he seeks out his mother’s stitching kit. He mumbles to himself “third drawer on the right.” He returns and peers down at the person. If you could even call them that. A husk of lifeless bones and flesh. Alucard could feel the last bit of life the body was clinging to.

An idea pinpricks him,  
he tries to push it away.  
Standing.  
Staring.  
For what felt an eternity.  
He brings his hand to his mouth. Placing the pad of his thumb against his tooth he bites softly and pulls it away. A small bead of blood forms as he makes a fist to squeeze more out. He holds it over the wound and lets a single drop fall into it. Before the small hole heals closed he quickly wipes the remaining on the tail end of the gash closest to their hip. 

“What on earth am I doing” Alucard sputters to himself honestly waiting for someone to answer him

A groan leaves the mouth of the body beneath him. 

Scrunching up his brows he carefully threads the needle and begins the arduous task of stitching the laceration together. It’s longer than his hand and although his pain tolerance is much different he can imagine the agony they must be feeling with every stitch. 

He finished the last stitch and stands. Wiping the wound one last time. 

He takes a moment to look the body over. Wrapping bandages around any particularly bad cuts; especially one on their arm.  
While bandaging he notices white scars lining that arm from wrist to elbow. Every which way. Then two prominent ones parallel the the veins of their arm. He didn’t have to have extensive medical knowledge to know that was a mortal wound. 

He stops and stares at their face. Delicate angles, soft lines, timid beauty beneath sunken cheeks, black eye and cuts dusting their face.

Alucard stops. Angry at himself for getting caught up in his emotions he scoops the body into his arms.

Are they even lighter than before?

Walking the stairs back up to the main floor he kicks room doors open trying to find one that is undamaged and somewhat clean. Finally settling on a gaudy red velvet affair with a very large canopy bed and two windows. He places the limp body onto the bed and rifles through the closet finding a linen sheet to gently lay over them. He plops on the end of the bed and buries his face in his hands for several minutes. W Then silently he stands and leaves without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

Pitch black 

Pitch black and stinging pain. Why won’t your eyes open? Oh yeah.. you’re dying.. dead?? But it’s less damp now. Soft? 

Fuck.

You lived? 

An audible moan leaves you from deep inside your chest. The first time you actually feel your own body. 

You force an eyelid open. It’s daylight.  
Sun pours through the windows. It’s too bright and your eyes are too sensitive. 

“He lives” an sing-song voice echos from the corner of the room. Your eyes come to focus on a figure sitting in the corner in a large ornate chair. 

“Fuck” you groan 

“Such a foul mouth” the voice in the corner retorts back.

You lift your arm and drape the crook of it over your eyes. Throughly unenthused.

Several minutes tick by and you can feel eyes on you. Peeling your arm up just enough to peek a man is standing over you. Long white-blonde hair cascading. Paler than anyone you have ever laid eyes on.  
You smirk and hide back into your arm.

“You seem to be lacking in manners” chimes the man. “Usually there is at least an acknowledgment or greeting by now.”

Your brain half working, your patience non-existent you manage a raspy “And?”

You can feel the man grow impatient and angrily laughs “fine” before exiting the room.

You lift your arm, examining it carefully bandaged and go to sit up.

Pain.

Piercing pain. 

You gasp.

“Jesus fuck” you spit as your hand lifts the blanket to see a stitched cut longer than you imagined. You fight the urge to vomit. A blue yellow halo rings the slice, like spilled ink splotches dripped all around the incision. Even more bruises throughout your entire body.  
It’s a little too much to take in. You close your eyes tight and force sleep.

__________

//: ‘What a brat’ Alucard mumbles  
Only standing right outside the door. He crosses his arms leaning his back against the wall. His head falls back with a thump on the stone. Listening intently he hears a sharp breath followed by profanity.  
Peeking back inside he watches his latest patient peer down at their unrecognizable body. He can almost feel the same jutting pain as his hand lightly dusts the scar on his chest. He watches as they close their eyes again and long slow breaths of sleep soon follow. 

__________

Sleep fights to find you now as you open your eyes. Surprised to find it’s still daylight. Or was it the next say? ‘Did I sleep that long?’ You think to yourself. 

No one sits in the chair this time. A deathly quiet echos as you peer out the door. 

You don’t even hear footsteps yet the man appears in the doorframe seemingly from thin air. You make regrettable eye contact.

His eyes yellow.. no... gold. Golden and piercing. He walks silently placing a bowl on the side table then taking his place in the shadowed corner upon the chair. 

“You need to consume something” he says bluntly 

You look at the bowl, hot trails of steam leave the surface. 

He’s right. 

But as you try to push yourself up nothing happens except awful pain. The man sighs and effortlessly floats to his feet coming over to place his hands to sit you up. 

Your eyes are daggers as you look to him and he stops. Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

The last thing you want is for anyone.. let alone a man— to touch you. Especially nude. He starts to move at you again trying to slide an arm underneath your shoulders. You catch his wrist.  
No words exchanged as you hold it tight.. but you lax. He hovers closer and slides his arm beneath you right at your shoulder blades. A soft swift movement he lifts and moves a pillow behind you. He’s gone as fast as he came. Already back in the chair glaring at the now elevated mess of a human in front of him. 

More silence as you lift the bowl and inhale. Poison? No.. that would be counter productive to all the time he spent on your wounds. His eyes glint as if he can read your thoughts. 

“It’s only broth” he says  
“I honestly didn’t think you could handle much else. Between your wounds and your already starved body.”

Those words make you cross.  
They sting no matter how truthful they are.  
You say nothing and start to sip the bowl with a stone face. 

More silence.

The man stands and comes over once again “I have to look at them.. at least clean them” his voice a tone of exasperation.  
Your bowl almost empty you gesture dramatically at your body below you as if presenting a gift. The mans lips almost feign a smile.

He walks slow now, gently grabs the very top seam of the sheet and without meeting your eyes wafts it down. 

You aren’t shy. A body is a body. But touch is another allocation altogether. You take a deep breath holding it in as he inspects the largest cut first. You glare out the window and exhale sharply when his icy fingers trace the stitches.

“You’re very feminine for a man” he says sarcastically 

“Look who’s talking” the words left your mouth without even thinking.

He laughs. What sounded like a real laugh. A smile creeps to your lips. 

Without stopping his inspection he asks “So.. what shall I call you Mr. ...?”

A long pause as you shuffle through your mind to find something suitable  
“Manna.”

“Ah, okay Mr... Manna” speaking the name slow with his obvious amusement at it being false. “What exactly occurred to warrant you being gutted and left to bleed out in a river?”

“It was a stream.”

Gentle fingers poke at your rib cage  
You wince but stay silent 

He pulls himself back and stands to full height letting out a sigh “fine then, a stream”

You didn’t notice how tall he stood before, it must be 6ft or more. Towering you.

You just stare at him blankly

He turns on his heel and leaves.

The room is eerily dead once again. 

It’s not that you’re ungrateful;  
you’re untrusting.  
And poor with “proper” conversation. You feel like a fool realizing you were completely splayed out nude in front of an entrancing man. Giving him a cold shoulder as he tends to the withered carnage left of your body. 

‘Maybe I should be less of an ass’ 

__________

//: ‘Christ it’s like dealing with Belmont’ he fills a large bowl with hot water and grabs a clean rag. Wondering why he continues to pour his heart into the human race. His last two visitors still occupying their wooden stakes outside the castle doors.

“FUCK” he aggressively drops the bowl back into the sink. Hand to his forehead he slowly slides it up and through his hair.  
‘No. No tears.’  
Alucard will play doctor; but nothing more to this person. He feels a warm nudge at his calf. A silky black cat nuzzles him.  
“Why are humans so difficult?” he asks it.  
A small reassuring chirp comes from the animal. 

He refills the bowl and makes his way back to the room, moving slowly. His feline companion trots close behind. Staying outside the room peering in the doorway his “patient” is still completely uncovered with their face hiding in their elbow again. ‘So modest’ he thinks curtly. Although considering the circumstances perhaps he is judging too soon.  
They are wounded. Traumatized.  
Finally walking in he hears  
“You lingered in the doorway quite some time— has it been that long since you’ve seen a nude body?”

Taken back he feels his face grow hot  
“No, but thank you for your concern” 

Belmont had just left yet here he is in front of you reincarnate smacking you with patronizing comments. Alucard decides to rush on with cleaning all the wounds so he can leave.

“And what do I call you?” Arm still hiding their eyes, not bothering to be entirely involved in the conversation 

“... Alucard”

The body beneath him stiffens.

“Like.. thee Alucard?” 

His hands still carefully wiping “Is there another?” He scoffs  
A chuckle breaks the tension  
Their body relaxes and a smile appears  
“I suppose not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it’s starting to flow well,  
> I’m not great with dialogue so it might feel a little choppy


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I believe after this I will update once a week. 
> 
> TW for this chapter
> 
> //: indicates perspective shift to Alucard as opposed to reader character 
> 
> ~~~ page break/transition to opposite narrator

Long dexterous fingers prod and wipe at you as you hide in the crook of your arm.  
‘The fucking son of Dracula is doting on me, maybe I really am dead’ 

“Thank you” you mutter 

Shocked— his hands freeze for a moment  
“What did you say?”

“You fucking heard me”

Right then a black shadow hops onto the bed. ‘A cat?’ Of course and entirely black cat. You reach towards..  
“— I wouldn’t do that she doesn’t li..”  
Your hand already on her soft head rubbing by her ear. 

“..like strangers” 

Meeting his eyes “I must not be so strange then” 

Looking away he returns to his work 

“What’s her name?” You ask

“Nyx”

“Dear lord of course the son of Dracula has a cat named after the fucking goddess of night and chaos.”

He is not entertained.

You return to your sulking but continue to love on your new feline companion. Soft and warms she stretches out next to you with heavy purrs. 

~~~ 

//: Alucard finished his treatment on the wounds. Glaring at Nyx then turning to leave he pauses for a second. But continues through the doorway, once again hugging the wall right outside. 

He listens

“Your so sweet, how on earth did a precious baby like you end up here.. Can I tell you a secret?”

Alucard stops breathing and strains to hear

They whisper

“I’m sad I lived..”

His heart sinks.  
A mix of anger and grief well up. Unsure if he wants to scream at them for being unappreciative or cry for them...  
He walks briskly away clutching the bowl 

It shatters.

Bursting through the kitchen door dropping the pieces of the bowl as they scatter he slams his back on the nearest wall and falls to the ground.

Sobbing

‘So much death all around me for so long and not even the little peasant boy I found dying wants to live’ 

Tears receding, slowing to a staccato breath he looks down and realizes his shirt stained pink from the water in the broken bowl.  
He gathers it from behind and pulls it over his head. 

‘No more blood on me. No more. 

Please’

He stands throwing the shirt in the sink and carefully picking up the pieces of bowl tossing them in the trash.  
He leaves the kitchen  
Exhausted  
Ready for rest 

~~~

Days of the same snarky exploits and wound washing follow. He finally gives you slacks and a tunic; as well as stacks of books with a pencil and paper. It’s actually quite lonely. Alucard only makes his presence known for meals and playing doctor. 

At least you have Nyx

You’ve been doodling sketches of her throughout the notepad. Big ears and wide eyes with crosshatched fur fill the pages. 

“You’re actually quite good” Alucard says looking over your shoulder 

“Shit! I told you to stop doing that!”

“Doing what?” He mocks

“You know exactly what! That fucking vampire out of nowhere shit. Jesus.  
Give me a fucking heart attack after you spent all this time making me not die.”

His face smug he retorts “Ah but what fun would that be?”

You roll your eyes 

He clears his throat “Actually it’s about time for something I know you will absolutely love..

Your stitches have to come out”

You bring a hand to your forehead “Fuck me”

~~~

//: ‘I will be gentle today, but I will not let my concern get the better of me’ Alucard repeats to himself over and over 

It’s been about a week and though they’re as annoying as Belmont it’s been a nice distraction to mask his trauma.

He sits on the bed “Do you want to pull your shirt up or shall I?”

They huff and fold their shirt up to just below their chest

Alucard produces a small pair of very sharp scissors and with precision snips the first 3 sutures. With steady hands he slowly pulls them out, pacing them all on a small towel next to him  
He hears them suck in through their teeth in discomfort but continues on in silence.

They let out a sigh “You have a horrible bedside manner, I’m not sure being a doctor suits you. Have you thought of mortician?” 

He purposely pulls a stitch too hard 

“OW”

He smirks

“Donee” Alucard sings 

He puts ointment on it running his pointer finger over the end of it where he had smeared his blood— it was perfectly healed compared to the rest. 

“I thought you said you were done?” Comes an exasperated voice 

Alucard lays a bandage on “You’re ungodly impatient,

There. Done.”

They yank their shirt down and throw their arm over their face to hide in it.

The jagged white scars face upward on the arm draped over them. Alucard sighs. “Where did you get those ones? The ones on your arm?” 

“Fuck right off you know exactly how I got them.” 

Alucard closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in. He reaches out and places his fingertips on the largest one. The arm flinches and tightens but doesn’t pull away from their face. He runs the pads of his fingers all the way down it then finds another one to trace. Some, more raised than others. Some all matching and others sporadic. He takes a thumb and traces two large parallel scars. His heart is heavy.  
“But you did not succeed?” 

Silence 

He stops and wraps his hand around their wrist, slowly pulling it to him. The arm is limp and their eyes are still drilled shut. He brings it to him and places a kiss.  
His heart runs faster  
‘What on earth am I doing’ he spouts to himself  
He pulls his lips away and looks up to wide glossy eyes. 

“No matter how hard I try death eludes me, though I stopped purposefully seeking it I still crave consuming darkness.  
Maybe then I can be at peace.”

He lowers their hand to his lap “Darkness will not absolve our pain only carry it into the next world” 

“There better not be anything more waiting for me”

“I assure you hell is very real”

“Fucking great, cant even rely on death to make shit better.”

You both laugh

~~~

Why do you feel hot? Hot and woozy like sun sickness after a long day.. but more inviting. Enjoyable even?  
His lips felt warm  
Soft  
Sensitive scar tissue humming with his gentle touch  
His expression felt strange—  
Large eyes full of heartache for a stranger he barely knew.  
For a stranger who was inconsiderate and, as far as he knew, ungrateful. It was dark and the ghostly quiet fell back onto the castle as you laid staring out the window at the same stars you thought would be your last view of this life. 

Sleep finally crept in.

~~~

“Are you always this lazy? Or am I just continually catching you on bad days?” Comes a voice with a thud on the nightstand 

“Fuuuuuccckkk” your eyes open to a way too alert, and way too cocky Alucard.

You stare as he takes his rightful place in the corner chair with a smirk. 

You go to sit up slowly and take the bowl from the side table “Do you enjoy being an ass? I thought that was my job”

He chuckles “I have to admit it’s much more enjoyable being on the other side of insult”

The bowl is filled with small pieces of chopped fruit today. You grab a book and stick your nose into it to avoid eye contact. Picking up small pieces and eating them as you read.

“So Mr. Manna is today the day you will grace me with the tale of your marvelous adventure leading to near death in my stream?” He emphasizes the last word.

You ignore and keep your face to the book

His tone drops from sarcasm to insult “It couldn’t have been too exciting considering how easily they put you down”

He’s playing you. He knows you’re hot headed yet you give him exactly what he wants “I’ll have you know I can use a sword AND give any man a good run in hand to hand.  
He caught me off guard.  
And exhausted.  
And also with broken ribs.”

“Ahhh.. so it was all circumstantial then. You aren’t actually a skeleton parading around as a human being”

You raise a middle finger up from behind the book at him 

He shifts in his chair putting his head to his hand “Okay then honor me with the daring tale of your ribs breaking.” 

You give a long sigh “You’re really adamant about being the asshole today aren’t you?”

He just smiles 

“I got caught lurking”

“Lurking?” He asks

“Well.. possibly lurking with the intent of theft” 

“Ah so my little unlucky peasant boy is a thief who just isn’t very good at their job”

You place down the book and cross your arms “Your little unlucky peasant boy is a thief who got too comfortable with their success.  
I would go to the very outskirts of town, near the North road. Where the more wealthy assholes live.  
I would wait outside the bakers at the end of the week and take all the old bread he would discard. Nobles and people with coin always toss their food. I simply.. made sure it didn’t go to waste.”

He seemed disappointed “You stole moldy bread?” 

“First of all, most of it was not moldy. Second.. It was not for me. I would bring it back for all the little ones with no parents, bad parents, or too many siblings.”

His expression grew soft “And?”

“And I got too comfortable with how easy it was. The week before the stream the baker waited inside the door next to where the bin was and halfway through stuffing my bag he swung it open and I got a swift fist to the face. It went black and he kicked me.  
A lot.  
Sputtering something about being disrespectful and him knowing it was me all this time.”

“Then you went back? The next week?” He’s upset now 

“Kids gotta eat,  
I suppose I do too.  
But most I gave to them. Carefully cutting off mold and breaking it into pieces.” 

Silence 

“So a valiant Robin Hood stealing from the rich” he crosses his legs and leans back in the chair 

You’re confused “Who??”

“Never mind..  
So when you went back he was waiting again? Getting caught twice in a row seems very negligent of you. Especially for an accomplished swordsman-thief” he scoffs 

You feel a prick in your pride with a low voice comes a small “I know.”  
“I had gotten the bread and was traveling back. I take dark alleys and duck behind houses to avoid eyes.  
But as I was heading through the shadow of a small path behind a shed the butt of a knife hit my face.  
I couldn’t see out of my left eye.  
But I saw him. I saw the baker.  
I went for the knife.. but he had every advantage  
I only ended up getting this giant gash on my arm and then thrown into the road”

A creaking sound fills the quiet 

Alucard is gripping the chair so tight it cries small squeaks and crackles

He releases as your eyes dart to the sound from your previous empty stare out the window 

“A baker killed you over moldy old bread.”  
It wasn’t even a question.  
It was a statement full of resentment  
Full of rage

“I mean to be fair it really wasn’t that moldy, and I was getting away with it for a very long while. It was only a matter of time.

And he didn’t kill me”

Alucard is frozen. After a long silence he says “I suppose not. So you ran? And he chased you all the way into my forest?”

“I had run so long and it had grown so quiet I assumed he had lost interest or given up.  
I knelt by the stream and splashed water on my face but he kicked me from behind into the water”

Squeaks and cracks fill the room 

“From there I think there was another kick or two and then I remember it being warm.  
Warm and so much blood.  
Then stars.  
I watched the stars...” you trail off 

Crack. 

You jump

A chunk of the arm for the chair is in his hand. “And then an unlucky dhampir doctor finds your bloody carcass and ruins his favorite white shirt only for them to be as snarky as a Belmont.” He’s fuming 

Silence

Confusion

“...a Belmont?” You ask

“Forget my words.” He stands and all but disappears into thin air, wooden chair piece and all. 

~~~

//: Alucard reappears in a far away room of the castle. He stands in silence for a moment then throws the wood piece across the room far too harshly. The sound of breaking glass echoing through the air.

He walks over to the shadowed part of the room and picks up a shattered frame.

Inside it a picture of his mother.

Slender fingers trace her face “How did you never give up on a race so bent on death and destruction.. Even to their most vulnerable?”  
But the picture does not answer.

He walks to the large circular window and looks out. The hold and the expanding forest laid out beneath him.  
He pulls the frame to his chest. 

‘They don’t even know they should really be dead. They don’t know I tainted them with my blood. Without even asking.  
Without thinking about them, only about himself.  
I’m sure they would have said to let them die.’

No tears.  
No more tears.  
‘All these passing months have been tears, only when he brought his little peasant boy home did they start to dry.’

His.  
Is that what he thought?  
Is that what he felt?  
His mind turns ‘You don’t kiss the scars of your patients. You don’t feel malice towards a person who beat up and tried to kill a complete stranger.  
You don’t cry for dying peasant boys.’

But you did cry  
And they weren’t so strange  
And they weren’t so much of a peasant  
or of a boy.  
They were intelligent, witty, compassionate and apparently even apt at swordplay. His mind trails off

No. Stop. 

He clutched the picture frame even tighter. 

He trusted others with those same traits and ended up betrayed and covered in blood. Left to sob on the floor with what was left of his father. 

Besides, how could anyone similar to Belmont be appealing. 

He stares out the window lost in thought then quickly leaves the room heading to the front castle doors still clutching his mother in her frame.

He pushes a door open and walks up to one of his impaled assailants and kicks it down with a crack.  
Then the other.  
He gently places the frame on the last step and goes to the back to find a shovel.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry the rich text makes my paragraph spacing a little awkward. I will fix that for the next chapter. I realize I write a little fast paced, but I hope you enjoy.  
> Kind comments are always welcome <3

~~~

What the absolute fuck just happened.

He asks all these questions, he wants to know all the details and then he storms off like I’m the asshole in all this. Whatever the fuck a ‘Belmont’ is. 

Fuck off.

This is why it’s easier to hide.

Easier to push people away. 

Easier to be alone.

Easier to not think of his lips.

Easier to not remember how you could still feel them even after he left.

Fuck

‘I just want to leave’ you start to cry.

Tears and emotions are not your strong-suit. There’s always too much. Always too big. Too intense.

You look out the window ‘It must be at least mid morning by now, closer to noon’

Exasperated, your fingers thread through your hair— too long. 

Still tears.

It’s too overwhelming. It’s too much. 

You pull your feet over the side of the bed and put them to the cold ground.

Still tears.

Scooting to hold the bedpost you try to stand. 

Pain, like shooting needles.

Your legs are barely there, shaking to hold your weight with their lack of use. 

Step

Step

You let go of the bed

Step

Collapse

You lay on the cold floor in a tangled heap and sob.

~~~

//: ‘You’d think a magical castle with all the historical knowledge of the world would have a damn shovel’ Alucard shuffles through back rooms full of weapons and barrels. One small room of entirely rope? 

Frustration creeps in,

Finally underneath old burlap bags half full of ancient grains there is a shovel. 

Dig

He digs for hours. He moves slow. He makes the holes unnecessarily deep. He claws at tree roots and throws stones. 

Satisfied he floats to the level ground and makes his way to the stakes.

He grabs them and drags them so not to have chunks of corpse fall behind. Coming to the hole he takes one last long look at Taka and Sumi..

and pushes them in.

~~~

How long have you been on the ground? 

It’s so cold.

The sun peering in the window looks much closer to evening now. 

You push yourself up as well as you can and crawl to the door. Outside it’s a large banistered balcony of some sort with three other doors along the wall before it drops to what you assume is stairs. 

‘I feel so helpless. I just want to leave.’

You continue to inch your way down and look into the first door. A washroom of some sort with a large tub in the stone floor like the big bathhouse on the wealthy side of town. Weird knobs and tall sinks. So many mirrors.

A vanity of some sort 

You crawl over and start to open drawers— brushes, combs, hairpins,

“Come on!” You shout angrily

You open the last drawers and finally feel a straight razor. Your whole body is shaking.

So much adrenaline, and still tears streaking your cheeks. You stare at it. 

Then pull the hair on the top of your head taut and cut.

And cut 

Clumps fall to the floor

More and more tears come as hair falls.

It’s harder to breath.

Your breaths grow too short and too fast,

Black and white specks cloud your vision as you throw the razor and put both hands to your head grabbing fists of your hair 

“I’m always  too much, 

even for myself” you cry

You drop to the floor

Your forehead hits a little too hard on the stone

Then darkness.

~~~

//: The sun is almost down now and the hole is finally filled. Alucard walks over top of it and looks down. ‘No longer will you haunt me. No longer will I be your plaything.’

He looks at his wrists in the changing light of the falling sun. 

‘No longer will dwelling shadows control my path.

On the road to darkness and madness or not it will be on my terms.’

‘I will not be my father.

The death of a relationship will not be my descent into the unknown.’

He looks up at the stars slowly peaking out and remembers he left his peasant patient in an angry huff with no explanation. 

He walks to the door picking up his mother’spicture and looking it over one last time before he heads back into the castle. 

It’s dark now, he feels a twinge of guilt as the realization he did not bring food up all day hits. Stuck in his own whirlwind of nostalgia and pain he neglected the one thing he seemed to have grown to care for. 

He heads to the kitchen, 

‘surely they would still be awake reading with oversleeping this morning.’

Something quick. He makes toast and gently places slices of tomatoes on top. Then grabs two glasses with a bottle of wine and heads to that godawful red velvet room. 

There’s no one there.

Panic.

He fucked up. 

Pushing back oncoming fear he sets his items down and inhales slowly, 

They didn’t leave

They’re close 

He walks to the bathroom and flips on the light. There they sat on the floor in almost the same sort of heap Alucard found them in at the stream.

Panic

He takes several steps and kneels 

‘What is all over the floor?’

He lifts his hands as strands of hair unstick and float to the ground

Confusion 

He shakes the hair off and slowly lifts the sad lump into his shaking arms and brings them to the bedroom

Placed on the bed they take deep steady breaths but do not wake.

His heart is racing 

He sits on the bed close beside them. Reaching out a hand he brushes jagged locks from their eyes. 

Then shakily leaning in placing a forehead kiss where he had flicked the hair away.

‘They must have passed out at some point’

He starts to pick the larger clumps of hair off their clothing when a fast hand grabs his wrist so tight he questioned if it was actually them.

~~~

You feel lips on your forehead then irritating prods all over you, you reach quickly and grab a wrist as tight as you can. Your eyes open to Alucard, you’re angry “You ask me things! You push me to share! Then you huff off in a fucking fit only to come back with the audacity to..” 

He leans down and his lips lock onto yours, you hum resistance but your eyes flutter closed as he pulls at your lips with his and his tongue brushes your front teeth. 

Tingles trail down your spine 

You reach hands up to push him away but he catches them and gently places them to his face. 

Soft. 

His hands cradling yours, your lips mirror back his form and let your tongue find his.

You pull apart and slide your hands to push his shoulders back and stare 

“What the absolute fuck are you doing”

His voice enticingly low “What I’ve been wanting to the whole past week but was too caught up in my own bullshit to even consider”

His long hair cascades over both of you like a curtain, his eyes glow soft, framed with perfect butterfly lashes

You raise your eyes to meet his “You don’t even know who I am, you don’t even know my name”

“And you don’t know mine,

yet here we are” he leans in and takes another breathless kiss ending with tiny love bites on your bottom lip

Your heart beats so hard it hurts,

You’re entire body is on fire

He sits up and lets a hand trace up your arm and to your collar bone

A trail of tiny vibrations left behind him

You forget how to breath 

“May I?” He gestures to his hand already touching you

All you can manage is a small nod as he gently moves his hand to your side and melds it to your curves all the way down to your hip. It’s both electrifying and frightening. 

_ No flashbacks. _

Please.

Alucard looks up to your worried eyes and a tear trapped in surface tension hung at the corner of your eye 

He moves to wipe it with a soft thumb “no tears my sweet peasant boy” and places a gentle kiss on your cheek

Another small nod 

“I was negligent in my duties today and left you without two meals.

That honestly.. you so obviously need.” He side eyes you 

“Cant even be nice for a second?” You snap “I told you.. mortician. Much less back talk too I’d imagine.” You turn away from him.

He chuckles as he walks to the dresser and returns with a plate and glasses “But what fun would that be?”

You look back to him 

The plate has marvelous toast on it that tastes like you haven’t eaten in weeks.

He places two glasses on the side table and uncorks a brown bottle 

“You’re going to let me have alcohol?” You ask “I absolutely promise you will regret that decision.” 

A small smile flashes “I think I’d like to make that decision for myself Mr. Manna” 

You bite your toast and locking gaze with Alucard blindly grab the glass and take three large gulps without ever breaking eye contact. 

“Jesus, are you sure you’re last name isn’t Belmont?” He looks exasperatedly at the ceiling 

“What the fuck is a Belmont?” It comes out a little angrier than you wanted 

His face falls “He’s a.. friend, I think...

...but also the biggest asshole of mankind.” 

You sip at more wine “Oh so you think me related to the biggest asshole know to man? It’s been a long while since I’ve gotten such a compliment.” The last bit spoken into the wine glass as you bring it to your face again.

You both laugh loudly 

Whether it was the wine, the endorphin high, or somehow actual humor you aren’t sure.

Your stomach aches, your chest aches, everything hurts. Yet it all seems to dull in euphoria as you sit together.

Your toast is gone and Alucard opts

to light a candle instead of just sitting in the light of the moon streaming through the windows.

“How romantic, are you trying to get me drunk so we can make passionate love?” Your head already spinning since you started drinking on an almost empty stomach. 

Even in only candlelight his face visually changes to a soft pink as he nearly spits wine back into his glass “Excuse me??”

“That’s what this is right? I have some weird trauma bond with the handsome blond vampire who doctored me back to health and then we fuck. I’ve read enough books.”You take another sip arrogantly 

“Oh so you do think I’m handsome” 

Now it’s your turn to flush pink

He leans foreword a little too confidently “I don’t believe my little peasant boy would be able to  handle the handsome blond vampire in their current state.”

Your face has to be beet red

It feels ungodly hot 

You’re sure he’s able to hear your heart pounding 

You shove your face back into the wine glass and throw it back. 

Then push it out towards him gesturing for him to fill it again

With one eyebrow raised he grabs the bottle and fills your glass “Are you  _ sure _ ?”

You put the glass to your lips “I’m  _ sure _ it’s far too late to ask that question” you retort 

He laughs through his nose and finishes his own glass then refilling it

Trying your best to lean up and scoot over you pat the bed next to you “This thing is huge, it’s more than large enough for two people. 

Maybe even three if you like that sort of thing.” You joke

Alucards face twists up at that comment, but he neatly kicks off his shoes and obliges. 

He sits a few inches away lost in his own mind. 

Silence 

‘Did I do something wrong? Did I misread his affection as wanting me when it was only lustful impulse?’ Your brain is racing 

You put a hand on his thigh and he all but jumps in surprise as you break him from his thoughts. “I think it’s your turn to be prodded to share”

He uncharacteristically tips his glass and downs the rest of it. Placing it on the nightstand and turning to you slightly “I had friends who.. 

who shared your same novelties— intelligent, witty, skilled”

Blood rushes to your face

“but they...” he stutters

Then looks to the side table and grabs the brown bottle tipping it to the ceiling and forcing down what was left.

You take it from him with a quick hand looking in his eyes with a pained face “I of all people can tell you alcohol will not solve your problems.” You let your legs hold the bottle and return your hand to his thigh.

He blinks slowly and quietly says “I thought they were my friends, maybe more, but they used me. They thought me a liar and brought seduction and the intent to kill to my bedroom late at night.”

Silence 

Your heart drops “It’s alright, people can be evil, we..”

He cuts you off “you don’t understand, 

I’m the evil one. 

I killed them. 

I slit their throats and laid there while they bled out” His voice cracks trying to say the last few words 

You feel.. scared?

You pull away from his leg as he hangs his head. 

“I’m a monster” he raises a hand to cover his face “I said I wouldn’t let them haunt me anymore, but I still cannot make peace with my actions”

Guilt pricks you as you think of how hypocritical your being. Your hand has been at the throats of men spilling their blood. He is no monster, he is more human than he knows. You look down at what’s in your glass and swallow what liquid courage is left. Placing it with the bottle between your legs you bring your hands to his face slowly peeling his contorted hand away and turning him towards you. 

His cheeks are wet.

Eyes still closed.

You’ve never been particularly good at this, you yourself forcing emotions down and away now looking for comfort to give someone who has them bubbling over.

You carefully scoot to close the distance between your bodies and pull his face closer to place a small kiss on his stone lips. “Many people have blood on their hands, even those we least expect. It is not always a choice, but rather a necessity to take thelife of another— even someone we think we love.” 

His face still in your grasp, his eyes still closed 

angrily he says

“You can’t possibly mean that,

How could you know the pain of taking another life” 

You drop your hands and look down

‘How could I know’ you repeat to yourself as images of blood stained hands flash 

“Even those we least expect” you repeat

His eyes open to see you staring blankly down at your hands “I...” he starts 

Silence 

He places his hands into yours. “I suppose we both have ghosts who haunt us.”

He takes a single hand tenderly slipping it under your jaw and tilting your face to his. Without hesitation your lips meet his. 

A second hand sliding up your side just slightly teasing at the side of your breast. The kisses grow sloppier, more desperate. Wet and heavy as your hand moves to his thigh. 

He pulls away “You must be exhausted. Today has been more than unkind to both of us.” 

‘Not that unkind’ a small voice calls from the back of your mind 

No time to protest, he takes the bottle and glass from you setting them aside. Then without a word he blows out the candle and pulls you to his chest, laying his head on top of yours.

But you can’t complain

It’s warm

Your head is spinning 

Long fingers find their way through your hair 

He whispers “maybe tomorrow we can clean up this mess you made” 

Your eyes flutter closed. 

From what feels like far away you hear “I don’t think I regret the wine” 

Soft steady breaths fill the silent room. 


	5. Chapter 5

//: It’s morning, his small peasant boy curled into him.

Hands on his chest, fingers intertwined with the fabric of his shirt.

‘When is the last time I actually slept that well? Especially in a bed.’ He turns to kiss the top of their head. ‘They’re exhausted, probably even still sleeping off the wine. Note to self, do not fill entire wine glass for every pour in potential future.’

Sunlight finally starts to pool through the windows illuminating a ragged head of short choppy hair.

He sighs ‘What on earth possessed them to do this..’

A slight whimper comes from the small ball curled against him. He takes that moment to pull away their hands and quietly slide out of bed.

He had slept in dirty clothes and was starving.

Come to think of it he doesn’t know the last time his visitor had a real bath either.

He gathers his boots and heads to the bathroom. Light pours in through a single large window as the many mirrors illuminate the space. He steps to the large bath and turns the knob for hot water. ‘How all the humans live without this I’ll never know’

Putting a stopper to the bottom he lets it fill and heads to his room for fresh clothing.

Sifting through drawers his mind wanders back to the bath.. maybe they would.. maybe both of them.. “No that would absolutely be inadvisable” he says aloud to himself.

But still..

He imagines the soft whimper from this morning.

“Fuck it.”

He actually takes every single stair down to their room. Focusing on every individual tap his shoe makes as he shuffles quickly down them and without stopping, walks right through their open door

“You know it’s not very gentlemanly of you to leave your guest to wake up to an empty bed.”

He’s startled, and he shows it a little more than he would like. He expected to find them still asleep “I wasn’t aware your faculties were so delicate, next time I shall waste the day away in bed as your pillow” a sly smile on his face

They stretch their arms in the air above their head “I’d like to think of it as preforming your diligent duty as my host”

Alucard sits on the bed and leans in “Im afraid I’ve been lacking in my duties, all this time in my dreary castle and I haven’t offered you a bath.”

He knows very well it would have previously been impossible with their injuries but enjoyed the mocking sentiment none the less. 

“I think I need to atone for my behavior” he whispers with a kiss on their cheek.

His insides are on fire.

With one hand to his chest they push away firmly “Oh really?”

He smiles and lifts them from the bed

They struggle “Please.. please don’t. Let me walk.”

He releases his grip “Walk? I very much doubt your legs can even hold you”

“I made it over there yesterday I can do it today” they move to put their legs over the bed and pull themselves up on the frame.

Alucard stands and leaves the room and is back before they notice he’s gone.

He’s holding a smaller wooden chair and sets it next to them “You’re ridiculous. Sit.”

Eyes glare at him from under choppy hair

“Sit”

They sit begrudgingly with a thump as he easily lifts the chair from behind and carries it to the next room

They spot the bath “So are you to atone by bathing me” they joke

The bath is almost full, he stops the water and he can feel his cheeks get hot but slyly says “I thought it would only be right”

Laughter fills the room “If I had known one wine filled night of sucking face and having you spill your heart would give me such divinity I would have done it sooner”

He is not amused.

“Well then my loyal host” they say pulling their shirt off effortlessly “I believe I’m ready for you to amend your neglectful nature”

He looks away 

Why is he looking away

This is what he wanted. This is why he came back downstairs. This is what the back of his mind has been craving despite his fearful reluctance ‘What are you doing?!’ His insides scream at him

He looks back and their smug face is filled with a smile “I think it will be quite uncomfortable to bathe in your clothes”

He’s staring 

Much less of a skeleton, black and blue bruises have faded to a warm yellow, their eyes no longer as dark purple and sunken, now seem bright

“I was right, it has been a while since you’ve seen someone nude” they taunt

He’s flustered and trying to find words to explain any of the thoughts rattling in his head. “It’s been a long time since it was a pleasant experience at least”

They slide from the chair to the floor 

His eyes glued to them

Small breasts bounce 

He bites the inside of his cheek

They slip their pants off “Why don’t we change that?”

Gently placing their feet in the bath and sliding in

Panic 

He feels frozen ‘What am I doing? I didn’t intend for them to be so willing..

Or so bold.’ He thought he would be leading this dance.

He thought control would make intimacy more simple.. easier..

That looking it face on would create a mix of confidence and push away the pain of last time. Cover it maybe. 

Then he’s lost his balance 

He’s falling.

He’s wet.

“You took too long” says a chipper voice as Alucard pushes back the hair suffocating him

They laugh at him

“Did you really just pull me clothes and all into the fucking bath” he can’t even pretend to be angry as both their laughs echo 

How does laughter come so easily?

How long has it been since any sort of joy wrapped around him

He is at eye level and puts a hand to their head running it through their hair “why did you do this?”

They’re face turns from laughter to a twist of pain 

Silence

They sink down into the water “It’s all too much sometimes”

“And what would that be?”  
  


“Everything.” Their gaze goes to the ceiling avoiding his eyes 

He’s confused “because I left the room upset?”

Silence 

“No,

Because I can’t handle my own emotions. My own image. The world around me. My past. I suppose even my future.” 

“So you hack at your hair?”

“Better than hacking at my body”

He cringes. Wishing he had chosen his words more carefully. “I suppose I would rather fix your hair than any more wounds” 

“Fix?”

He slides down close next to them in the water “If you’ll let me”

They turn to face him with a devilish grin “if I let you fix my hair will you let me undress you?” 

He hesitates “Perhaps we should let ourselves cool from last night, I’m afraid I may have acted in haste”

They pout and dunk their head under the water 

Feeling defeated Alucard inhales deeply and fumbles with the buttons of his shirt 

A head pops up from the water “are you nervous?” 

There’s too many scars. Too many marks to remind him of his last tangled encounter with another body. “What if I leave my shirt on?”

They cock their head “But take off your slacks?”

Defeated he laughs “I suppose that is doable.”

Lower half still underwater, small hands start to fumble at his waist and tug the fabric down. Undergarments and all.

He’s holding his breath 

‘What the fuck and I doing. .’ 

Fingers brush the dips of his hips, up over the muscles of his stomach 

“Are all vampires built like Greek gods or are you just the exception?” 

He face stings red hot “You do know I’m a dhampir and not an actual vampire? My mother was human.”

They clear their throat dramatically“So are all  dhampirs built like Greek gods or are you just the exception?” 

He splashes water at their face 

They wipe at their eyes “Hey now, this is not very in line with atonement” 

“My apologies your highness” followed by a slight bow. He finally kicks off his pants pulling them from the water and places the sopping mess onto the floor. Finding a small ledge that lines the back of the tub he sits, closing his eyes and sinking down. Wondering how in the world this little peasant boy was so knowledgable and well read, yet somehow didn’t know of Robin Hood

Something plops onto his lap

His eyes open 

Straddling him as best they can with wobbling legs and tender stomach, intense eyes meet his own 

“I’m waiting for your those amends you mentioned”

Anxiety and desire chasing one another in circles, slowly blending together.

He places a hand behind their neck and pulls them into a kiss 

He can feel himself growing harder

They purposefully adjust their straddle to tease against the inside heat of their legs. 

Heat noticeable despite the bath 

Heat he wants to wrap himself around and sink into

But he pulls back “Please, I meant what I said about acting in haste.”

It’s too much too soon too fast too intense his fears cry out

They look confused 

“You’re absolutely impossible to read. 

What other man would lead their love interest to a bath without the intent of sex.”

“I...” he can’t force out any more words 

Silence 

“I want to enjoy our time, 

I want to wait on you, 

touch you softly, 

and show you a type of love that I believe you are so desperately missing.” 

‘..and what I am so desperately missing’ he wants to say

His heart is racing, unease starts creep in.

But he means it, he saw the panic in their eyes after just a small touch in the wrong way. It was like looking in a mirror.

But then they lean into his chest and wrap their arms around him.

Time feels frozen 

A soft kiss on his neck sends needles through his body, his ear full of heat as they whisper “Maybe you are a gentleman after all.”

They carefully slide to his side and lean a head of wet hair to his shoulder.

~~~

He’s warm, even compared to the steaming water he feels warm. You close your eyes and rest on his shoulder as time slows.

“Wait here” he tilts you up and goes to the edge of the bath and grabs several small glass jars

“Come sit in front of me” he motions

You oblige and kneel with your back to him as he sits on the ledge

He opens a bottle and stars rubbing your head. 

He’s slow.

He’s gentle.

He rubs his fingertips through every inch of what’s left of your hair 

You hold your breath

Nervous.

Flustered. 

Embarrassed?

“Now lean back” he keeps his hand to support your head 

You lean slowly as his soft face and intent eyes come into view. He gently rubs the soap from your head.

It smells like lavender and lemongrass

And the rich smell of fresh cut wood 

It smells like him

Like when he leans in for a kiss and his hair brushes your face

He lifts your head and finds another jar to open. He slides slippery hands over your shoulders and down to where your upper arms meet the water.

Your heart beats faster

Fingers make there way back to your neck and over your collar bones 

Even faster 

Hovering over you, palms flat to your sternum he runs his hands over your chest.

Faster still

You can feel your nipples excite as he brushes over them 

Softly down your ribs then over your healing scar

Tracing your hips to your back and going up your spine 

Chills

Yet your body is vibrating 

He places a gentle kiss on your neck 

Then slowly rinses any bubbles left

“Can I trust you to wait here?” He asks 

You turn to face him “Mmm I suppose, but I wouldn’t make a habit of trusting me” 

Why you precariously flip between absolute confidence and the most vulnerable you’ve ever felt is beyond you. The words seems to form by themselves as they leave your mouth. 

He smiles “Wouldn’t dream of it”

He steps from the bath but to your dismay his wet shirt covers down to his mid thigh. Though it’s semi translucent cloth does stick to his every curve, his bare legs full of long winding dips defining every muscle 

and what looks like scars snaking ever so slightly right above his knees 

You audibly choke a little 

‘What on earth am I doing?

In a fucking  castle in the middle of nowhere with a goddamn half vampire and I’m trying to fuck him? 

We don’t even know each other’s fucking names. 

I’ve only known him a sliver of time and I’m trapped in this aura. In his long blond hair and touch. 

and his voice. 

Fuck.’

You pull yourself under the water half disappointed in your actions, half embarrassed he doesn’t even know your name as he walks bottomless, perfect ass contoured by thin wet fabric, right in front of you. 

You stay under the water, with a frog is stuck in your throat, repeating: ‘Tal you have never been someone of interest for anything more than sex, do not get attached and for the love of god stop antagonizing.’

You lift your head above the water just enough to breath

“Everything all right over there under the bubbles?” Chimes a voice right next to you 

You inhale with fright

“Fuck I told you to stop doing that!” 

He laughs “Not on your life,

Come.” 

He’s now in dry clothes holding a fluffy white towel. You go to him and stand as he carefully wraps it around your shoulders. He looks down and runs a thumb over the large healing scar. “I should tell you something”

He tenses “but maybe later,

Till then come with me.”  
  


Confused you barely step out of the tub before being pulled, towel around you like a cloak, into the small wooden chair.

“Sit. 

Try to dry yourself off” he walks to the vanity and shuffles through till he walks back with a golden pair of scissors “So my little overconfident peasant with manic tendencies, how shall we fix this mess?”

“Short” 

“Shorter than it already is??” 

“I don’t know I’ve never been good at this.”

“Well then.. close your eyes.”

“You want me to fucking close my eyes and let you chop at my hair?”

“Isn’t that what you did when this happened?” He gestures to you with the scissors 

You roll your eyes and give in

Crossing your arms in dismay you obey

~~~ 

//: They feel so small next to him in the chair. Towel draped around them as they pout like a child.

He exhales a long sigh.. he feels dreadful ‘they really made a mess of themselves’

He starts to cut all the length off the back and sides to match the shortest pieces, leaving a small amount longer on the top and trying to trim some sort of small bangs with any hair left in the front. 

He steps back

It’s actually somehow much more feminine than it was. 

Reaching a hand out he gently brushes their bangs to one side 

It’s not perfect, but it’s not the disaster it was 

“I think you’re finally fit to walk the vampire king’s castle” he says

They open their eyes “Oh and I wasn’t before?” 

They meet their face in a mirror

He’s nervous 

He’s not exactly cut more than small lengths off his own hair

They put a hand to their face

Choking back tears.. but they come anyway

Silence 

Panic

“It’s wonderful” they squeak out, barely audible

He kneels and wipes tears away with soft thumbs placing a small kiss on their nose 

“Our body is not a prison, we are free to mold it as we please. Whether that means short hair or parading around as a man is up to you; but you are not confined to be anything you do not want to be. Especially not here.” 

“That’s so easy for you to say,

You’re effortlessly perfect

Fucking look at you”

He sighs “far from it, but I am not anything other than what I want to be” 

‘Except your scars’ a small voice taunts 

He shakes his head 

Then picks the chair up and carries it back to their room setting it by the bed so they can insist upon climbing into bed themselves.

“I can get into the bed myself”

He walks to the closet un-phased but exasperated “Yes, I know” 

Digging through the excessive amount of clothing he finally comes to a black night dress. He is not so secretly thankful of its color. Anything but white.

Several swear words and sharp inhales later they reach their spot on the bed still wrapped in their towel. 

He tosses the gown at them 

They stare down and actually look like they’re admiring it

A small smile creeps as he watches ‘Such a strange creature’

They pull it on over their head and down around their body “You do know it is still the middle of the day”

“Yes but you’ve been in those other clothes far too long, they need to be washed. Maybe I could even find you something different.”

They toss the wet towel at him almost hitting his face “I suppose that is acceptable”

“Do you now? And would it be acceptable if I left you to your own devices while I go find us food? Our little excursion lasted much longer than I anticipated. It’s almost midday now and I believe your last meal was mostly alcohol.” He smirks

“Ah yes, one of which I hope to repeat soon” 

All he can think of is Belmont. 

He laughs “I’m sure you do.”

And quietly leaves the room

~~~

  
Your head is swimming

‘What the fuck am I doing??’

You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this

You promised you would stop antagonizing 

You’re always so cautious 

Yet here you are involved with a monster

You stop yourself.

No.. not a monster. 

But he is some sort of... creature?

Aren’t they supposed to drink blood?

Don’t they kill humans?

You shudder realizing all you know is children’s tales and hear-say regarding vampires 

But his voice echos in your head “My mother was a human”

Self preservation has always been at the forefront your of involvement with other people.. but here.. it’s been too easy. You’ve been too trusting. You woke up to a beautiful person selflessly saving your life.

You let your guard down.

‘Jesus maybe I shouldn’t have joked about trauma bonds’ 

Though the idea of going back to town sits like bricks on your chest. 

Yet he seems so sincere in his words and actions..

His eyes are full of pain and longing. 

Even compassion.. love? 

No.

No more.

This is a temporary entanglement.

I mean look at him? Who wouldn’t be risking danger just to taste him. 

It’s infatuation at best. 

You laugh at yourself 

‘Is this where I’ve come? 25 years and I end up the distressed maiden trapped in a castle lusting after its mysterious golden keeper?

Especially after such a long stretch of living, fighting, and honestly enjoying masking as a man? You’re willing to recede back into a feminine roll? With no power and excessive vulnerability?’

You audibly groan and retreat the the crook of your arm

‘Though he seems to be more respectful than others, he’s odd. Not once have I been called  she , not once has he held being female over me. Or pushed physicality, even when he so easily could. On the contrary he softly declines my harsh advances as well as continues to use my obviously false name and refer to me as his peasant boy.’

Your mind jumps back.. long fingers gently brushing hair from your eyes and wiping tears away..

Your chest tightens 

‘God fucking damn it.’

‘I’m not allowed to have feelings.’

You feel nauseous that the word  love even crept into your mind.

This is temporary

This is fleeting 

This cannot last.

It’s like a fucking dream 

‘Maybe I’m just black out drunk under a tree and it’s one of those times hours feel like an eternity’

But you know you’re not.

You know you have to actually acknowledge your thoughts and emotions and it burns.

It’s always too much. 

~~~  
  


//: Alucard replays every moment of the bath in his head while trying to assemble some sort of meal. 

He puts leftover soup onto the stove and chops green onion carefully 

‘Am I making the right choice? 

Am I doing this just for me?

What about them?

Eventually they will leave and where will this have gotten me? One more raggedy doll to add to the ledge?’

He shifts his eyes to Trevor and Sypha 

“Don’t even start” he tells the dolls pointing the knife at them 

Sigh 

Continues chopping. 

This whole event was the definition of moving too quickly.

His mother always said to be a gentleman you take it slow but here you are naked in the bath being straddled. 

He feels flustered 

‘They can’t just want to sleep with a complete stranger.. even if I saved their life.. can they? Humans are so complicated.

But I suppose Sypha and Belmont were basically humping since day one. Maybe time doesn’t actually matter.’ 

“You know it doesn’t, just go fuck the girl already you cockwart” comes a mocking Belmontesque voice 

Then a high pitched attempted at Sypha rebuttals “You are absolutely vulgar! And I would know, I know all the things! Just take it at your own speed Alucard. It will fall into place.” 

Alucard sighs “I thought I said to not even start” 

“Jesus I cannot keep carrying on like this.” He slaps a hand to his face 

Soup heated and garnished with a small handful of wild green onions floating on top, he places two bowls with matching water glasses on a tray.

‘Maybe I’m overthinking everything,

I know I am. 

But somehow when I see their weaknesses peak out from behind sarcasm covered pain; all of my own are forgotten. Past trauma shoved in the back of my mind to create any sort of stability or strength I can for them. I may still fear affinity but if any sense of yearning for it washes over them that I can feel..

I want to supply it.

I want to be that anchor to pull them back to reality.. back to my arms.

Funny how that is,

When one we treasure presents insecurity or fear we can somehow forget all our own to provide.’

He lets out a long sigh and starts a slow walk back to that red fucking room. 


	6. Chapter 6

Alucard steps through the doorway with a tray of food, whatever it is it smells fucking heavenly.

He’s right, your last meal was mostly alcohol and in all honesty your mouth is watering at even the small scent that fills the air.

He sets down a beautiful bowl of soup and a tall glass then heads to his rightful place in the corner chair with his own.

Nyx comes trotting and hops up onto the bed finding a cozy spot near the footboard.

He shifts slightly “So after this where will you go home to?”

“Home?”

“Yes.. I mean where do you live?” 

You feel a pinch of discomfort 

“Uh.. I suppose I don’t”

Cue your awkward chuckle 

He’s confused “You don’t what?”

“Live anywhere in particular..

I stay with the children frequently at the wayward house. Only one woman watches over it and there are so many little ones, so I try to help. Sometimes I sleep in that abandoned cabin near the south entrance.”

“You don’t have a home?

What about your family?”

Anxiously flicking your fingers 

Some sort of mumbling trying to make words

A nervous laugh

“I was one of those wayward kids, 

but from Braila.”

Silence 

His eyes change now, a relaxed sadness “And your parents?”

“I suppose I had them.. at some point.

But I was not even a year when I was left at the church.” 

It’s all sort of matter of fact now when you say it. It’s not so much sad as it is just a story to tell. Almost like it’s about another person. “I’m sure you understand why I left. The church is not exactly the most kind. Especially to small girls who want to dress like boys and pick fights.” You laugh softly 

He smiles “Ahh, so you were a girl at some point”

You draw a small smile to match his own and meet his eyes “I suppose somehow I still am. But that word feels foreign.. and unfitting. I don’t want to be stuck in a world of suppression and child bearing. 

But I also don’t want to be stuck in nasty taverns drinking next to men who smell like shit my whole life.”

Alucard laughs loudly “So then what are you my little one?”

Your chest tightens  _my_?

_Am I his?_

You can feel your cheeks sting “I am me.” 

He smiles “So be it,

You never need to be anything but.”

You feel like you’re stuck underwater

Waves pushing you back and forth

No one has ever 

Ever

Taken you as you are.

You’re drowning.

~~~

//: He sits in the chair, content, with a new view and growing attachment to his happenstance houseguest ‘maybe I should just try and enjoy it while it lasts and be swallowed in the miserable heartache of them departing when it actually happens’

His mother always told him to be himself, never anyone but. Especially when others equated him to his father. His known name being the opposite.. he knows the pressure of forced expectations.

But he also got to know the love of a woman who gave and accepted unconditionally..

Who let him be whoever he wanted to be. 

They had never found that in their life.

He stares into his soup

“You know..

My mother taught me to grow into yourself and never give others the satisfaction of molding you to their standards or expectations. I believe we will keep that aura here at the castle.”

A wave of content and comfortable silence rolls over as you both finish your soup 

~~~

It’s been a while now, a couple weeks?? Maybe more? Time is so strange and elusive. Continually a mix of witty insults and finding each other’s lips. Alucard said it could take six or more weeks total before any sense of normalcy. Between the cut, broken bones, and overall “skeletal state” I am in, he expects more. 

“Ah finally awake!” Alucard barges in the door as usual 

“I wish I fucking wasn’t but here we are”

He rolls his eyes “I thought today we could walk  outside  of your room, although I might have to carry you down the stairs” 

His tone was almost devious, especially knowing you can still barely walk.

“Did you now? And why would that be? Am I finally thick enough to make a good meal? You ask

“Don’t kid yourself, starving peasant isn’t really in line with my fine dining tastes” he says playfully examining his nails 

You both start to laugh 

He makes his way to the closet and shuffles through throwing several items onto the bed. 

“Are we feeling ‘I’m a dying boy in the stream’ today? Or ‘snarky queen of overconfidence‘ he crosses his arms looking at you with one eyebrow raised

“King”

“What?”

“I said king. 

Snarky  _king_ of overconfidence.”

He dramatically dips his head “I apologize my king, I wasn’t aware ruffled dresses were of the patriarchal preference”

You both smirk

Looking at the clothes you spot an ocean blue dress. Long sleeves and velvet, but simple.

“This one will be fine,

Now kindly get out”

“But I’ve alrea...”

“Get. Out.”

His usual exasperated sigh fills the air as he leaves the room actually closing the door on his way out for once. 

You slip out of your old clothes 

Lift the dress over your head pushing your arms through and pulling it down. It has the most amazing sleeves that come to a point with a small loop meant for your finger, it’s perfect— all you can think is that all clothing should have this

You lean on wobbly legs and pat out the slightly flowy skirt. It lays right below your knees. ‘Why is this so short? Vampires have more unusual style than even yourself.’ You shuffle and cling to the bedpost standing as tall as you can manage. “You may enter”

Alucard opens the door and immediately begins “So my dying boy from th...” he stops as he looks up at you. His face a mix of confusion and surprise. 

“I see we chose something more regal today Mr. Manna” he says in a mousy whisper 

_ Silence _

You feel your face get hot

“My name is Tal, 

You can call me Tal.. I mean. 

With no Mr. in front.

Just.. Tal.”

Jesus fuck you’re rambling. Why is regular conversation so fucking ridiculous. 

“Yes.. 

..Tal..” 

he finally says slow and quiet but then seems to snap back to present

“I tried to find you proper shoes but the castle is lacking in correct size footwear for your specific... taste”

He sets down a pair of flat golden cloth slippers 

“Are you sure these aren’t yours?

They’re golden just as the rest of you” you smile

“Well if I am gold you must be sapphire” he smirks extending an arm

Your chest gets tight 

His clever replies ever overshadowing your own retaliating comments 

You release the post and cling to him. What you’re doing can’t be called walking, he takes most of your weight as you shuffle out the door.

You get to the edge of the landing and your eyes meet an extending staircase longer than you’ve ever seen

“What the absolute fuck”

He laughs “I told you it would be easier if I carried you”

“No shit.” 

~~~

//: Every words is stuck in the back of his throat. It’s so strange to watch them transform before his eyes. A few weeks and the small dirty boy he found is now clinging to him in a velvet evening dress. And after all this time he finally got a name. 

Tal.

“I didn’t get a chance to reply with my name in between all our banter..”

He leans down pushing warm words into their hair “You may call me Adrain if you wish little one” followed by pressing lips placing a light kiss 

“Adrian” they say rolling it back to front 

“Alucard isn’t your actual name?” They chime. “I’m not sure which I like more. Though I suppose Adrian is much better than calling you ‘half-vampire’ or all the other colorful nicknames I’ve thrown at you.”

He laughs “I like your name as well. Although I think I still like calling you all the names I’ve cleverly created”

They elbow him 

“I’m sure you do”

~~~

You loosen your grip and slide to the ground sitting on the first stair.

“You aren’t seriously going to make me watch you scoot down all these stairs” 

You sigh and your face wrinkles up in dismay 

Alucard sits “I did not mean to.. 

I did not mean to cause you distress. We can pick another day to jaunt around the castle.”

“It’s not that” you force yourself to whisper

Confusion wafts over his face 

“Being carried.

I was carried and taken to a place where..

where I did not want to be. A dark place.”

He tenses 

An arm reaches in front of you and he lifts a white sleeve. Intricate scars that wrap around his wrists and up his arms meet your eyes.

He keeps us arm out “Our experiences do not define us, though they may push us onto darker paths” 

Your fingers go slowly towards his arm as you grab it gently from underneath 

You can feel his fear, the muscles of his arm stiffen. His eyes are daggers.

You lean in and place a gingerly kiss on one of the winding scars then look up to meet the piercing eyes 

He leans down and takes four fingers under your chin and lifts it to him as he places soft lips on yours.

Eyes close

Your hands move from his arm to his chest as he places his on your leg

It’s wanting, but it’s full of deep love. 

You can almost taste it

Gently grabbing at your lips with his

A tender hand sliding to your neck,

thumb by your ear 

You both pull away but eyes still closed you lean your forehead to his as his thumb brushes your cheek 

“Fuck”

He laughs deeply “You really do have a foul mouth”

“It must not be that foul” you smirk 

You lean away from one another, 

his expression the usual ‘annoyed but entertained’. He puts a hand through the shorter hairs on the side of your head “So my king shall we try to continue our descent?”

In this light and this angle you can justbarely see another large scar creeping diagonally up his chest. 

Your stomachs feels tight. 

‘A conversation for much later’ you force yourself to accept

You then stare down the staircase 

“fuck me”

His mouth opens but you look at him quickly with a finger in his face “ssshshsh do not even  try to reply to that”

His face is actually a large grin now

The first time you have seen a genuine full smile.

His fangs somehow less intimidating 

Moving slowly he places an arm around your back and under your knees. You close your eyes tight.  _No flashbacks. No flashbacks. No flashback_ s.  He lifts you like you’re weightless and holds you. “Open youreyes” comes a warm whisper. You feel tickles on your face. His hair cascades over you as he places a kiss on your forehead.

“When I tried to die in a river this is not what I expected to happen”

“I thought it was a stream?”

You both smile as he starts down the stairs.

Alucard begins at a slow pace, taking each step carefully to ease you into being in his arms. After about 30 stairs he stops and looks down “You know, there is a faster, easier, way we could descend”

Now you’re definitely suspicious 

You just stare back inquisitively 

But past his face you see the balusters start to slip past you. You are moving, but it’s like a snowflake suspended in thick air. Lazily ebbing in decent. 

You are the snowflake

You look down at wisping stairs and realize you’re both 10 inches above them gliding down.

Your hands bunch into fists full of his shirt

“Jesus.. are you? Are we floating?” A timid voice spits out

“I may have neglected to mention I have many inhuman talents.” He says smugly 

“Neglected.

Neglected..?

Yes I’m very sure you did.

So  _ Mr. Alucard  _ what other fun ‘talents’ have you neglected to tell me about.”

He gives a devilish grin “Hold on”

Your insides lurch like you’ve fallen from a tree, you scrunch your eyes closed 

But when you open them you’re no longer on the infinite stair case. Instead a cozy kitchen filled with warm light comes to view. 

“What the fuck” 

“That’s how I do my ‘vampire out of nowhere shit’ as you call it.” 

“Well I think I hate it” 

He laughs “Duly noted”

Gentle arms slide you into a kitchen chair, ornate windows behind you saturated with sun. A giant oak table before you and the floor is some sort of decorative black and white tile. He walks away to counter, busying his hands with some sort of food. You bask in the sun. How long has it been since you’ve gotten more natural light than just your bedroom or the bathroom windows? 

You peek at him. 

His hair glows in the effervescence of every rich ray of light. 

He turns to you. 

Pale skin and citrine eyes flicker

Your heart skips a beat

You’ve never felt particularly ashamed of yourself but in this moment nothing could dare to compare to him. How he chose your lips to be his is beyond you. 

You take pride in your simple charm, 

Your unconventional allure that you can turn off and on at will.

But in all honestly, his is angelic.

You scoff at the thought of a vampire being compared to an angel. 

Then he is in front of you, a kiss to your head “Lost in thought little one?”

Your slosh of thoughts dashed 

“About the sun, and forever about you.”

You spill out

He sits with a plate of sweet bread sprinkled in sugar, the little specks sparkling 

“About me?”

“I’m not sure if you realized but you’re quite beautiful, for lack of a better word.”

He laughs “As are you”

“That’s not what I mean, you’re inhumanly beautiful. I didn’t realize vampires were so otherworldly attractive. I suppose I always assumed they would be frightening” 

He gave softens to an embarrassed but empathetic smile “I’m glad you don’t find me frightening.”

He pushes the plate slightly towards you “I baked them this morning”

You pull a bun to you, tearing a small piece off and bringing it to your mouth

“Oh my god, you  made these?

Like.. on your own?”

He lifts an eyebrow “I mean.. have you seen or heard many others roaming the castle?”

You give him the most unamused look you can muster 

He breaks into a smile with an nosey air filled laugh 

~~~

//: “Are we really the only ones in here? This castle seems huge from what I can tell.”

“It is only us..

and Nyx.

Although she does bring me a multitude of mice if those count.”

They smile but it feels wounded “Have you really been here by yourself before this?” 

Two familiar faces hovering over him with long dark hair flash in his mind 

“For the most part”

He takes a roll and tries to take a large bite to avoid conversation even for a second. 

They continue to rip small pieces off and pop them into their mouth. He notices them save the top full of sugar for last. 

‘Of course they have a sweet tooth’ 

“You can have as many as you wish”

They promptly grab a other 

“You’re very keen to avoid my question”

He lets out a sigh

A mouth full of sweet roll could only protect him so long.

“I’m not sure how much you’re aware of, but my father was the one ravaging Wallachia with night creatures and death. His despair at the burning of my mother pushed him into suicidal madness. He even came to place a near fatal strike at me when I told him it was absurd. To just go after those responsible. I believe after all the hundreds of years of humans throwing their worst qualities at him he broke. I and two others took on the task of stopping his terror. 

We took his life.

In this castle.

Not many floors from here.

Hence the damage you will come to see.

The two.. my two.. my friends...left to continue to starve off remaining creatures. To help people.”

His eyes glance to the two lopsided dolls on the ledge 

“Not long after— I met two others who wanted for information on killing vampires. Their stay was short lived.” 

He cringes at his choice of words 

“They are my unexpected intruders I previously mentioned. They graced me with my winding scars and.. and fucked up mind” his words grow angrier towards the end

“I don’t know how long it’s been. A year or so I believe. One winter has passed.”

He was so caught up in his story he didn’t notice their response 

Rigid

Wide eyes 

A half eaten roll frozen between two hands 

Silence falls

Both of them lost for words 

“I... you..

Jesus.

Your mother died?

Your father.. struck you?

You.. killed him? 

Then peo—“

He cuts them off, his voice soft and patient

“One inquiry at a time little one, we have the whole day”

But he wasn’t calm. Inside sparks and embers grew. A concoction of anger, sadness, regret, and fear bubbled. 

The better part of him pushing through to explain and hope for understanding.

A small voice squeaks “Your father tried to kill you?”

‘Of course they would start with that’ he reels. A hand moves to his chest. Like a phantom sting crawls across his body. 

Their eyes shift meeting his hand and their face falls into one of the most upset expressions he has yet to see

“Don’t fret. Like you I slept it off.” He shoots a smile with his lighthearted reply to try and wash the look from their face 

It works 

The corners of their eyes soften and lips fall back to normal “Sleep is beautiful. A cure-all really.” 

Gentle smiles meet one another 

“As is kissing” they add playfully popping the rest of the roll into their mouth 

He forces a small laugh 

“I have to agree. If you’ve had your fill we can continue our conversation at my next planned location”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I thought you would like some fresh air. Plus such a lovely dress deserves a special outing to accompany it.”

Their face lights up 

It’s brighter than the sun still beating through the windows 

He could bottle it and keep it forever 

“I’ll take that as a yes” 

They nod their head “I can’t remember my last  good day outside.” 

He rises from his chair and meets their eyes for unspoken approval.

It’s granted as he slides an arm under their knees and they wrap arms around his neck.

A gentle pull into one another as he carries them from the kitchen. 

Warm breath meets his skin as they melt into his shoulder 

Chills

‘It feels like an eternity since I’ve gotten them this close. It’s a static shock of serotonin reverberating

Pinpricks roll over wherever their breath touches 

This is new

He has felt lust, felt embarrassment, 

Felt emotionally charged as he met another’s lips, as he  took another’s lips 

But this was beyond that.

A new sensation of some sort of intoxication 

He tightens his grip pulling them closer

They notice and nuzzle in pulling their arms tighter


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh.. here’s that smut I mentioned.  
> Or an attempt at it at least lol.
> 
> It’s a short chapter, but I plan to do another update in a few days c:

//: He makes his way outside with them still cradled in his arms. Using a side door off the kitchen purposely avoiding the front steps. Though the bodies are gone the pike stumps and soured earth still guard either side of the entrance.

Finally out the door he gently places Tal to the stone steps and sits down next to them.

Crystal Blue skies stretch to the horizon,

as the forest creates a wall around them and the castle. The small set of steps are cool from being partially shaded but the air is warm and sticky.

He looks over to see them take a deep breath and look up into the sky, eyes closed.

He feels bad it’s been so long since they’ve gotten fresh air. But as their nose points to the sky with a smile and a small breeze ruffles their short hair he can’t help but stare. When they are excited it’s like they’re experiencing the occurrence for the first time. 

Like they’ve never seen the sun. 

Like they’ve never tasted summer air.

Small sparks flood his chest.

He could learn to get used to this.

But his staring in wonder is broken 

“So he is the one who gave you the scar on your chest?”

His body tightens. That phantom ache across his upper body returns. He doesn’t notice his arm move on its own accord, grasping at it with a handful of his shirt.

They reach out slowly, a gentle hand pulling his aside and moving the plunge of his neckline over revealing a mess of off-tinted skin

__________  
  


Light touch traces a puckered scar—

A feeling you know all too well

You want to let tears well up

Pursing eyes blink any salty mess away

“Is it still sensitive?”  
  


A nervous hand reaches up to take yours from his chest. Bringing it to his lips and placing a small kiss on your knuckles “Only sometimes”

“And the others?”

Eyes burn closed as he keeps your hand to his lips, holding it tighter “Much more often”  
  


You free your hand and thread it through honey butter waves pushing them behind his ear. Stealing his hiding place behind the curtain of hair away. 

“You aren’t alone, 

I have felt similar betrayal, 

similar vulgarity in your weak and vulnerable moments.”

His eyes somehow fill with even more pain and he drops his head

You reach below his chin and lift it to you placing a kiss on salty lips. Tears had fallen in just those brief moments he looked away and you say softly “We can do this together you know”  


His face perks “Together?”

As if that was the only word he has heard you speak in the past hour

“Yes, help each other”

He hums understanding 

‘Is he disappointed at something?’  
  


You meet his lips again

This time slightly parted, a mouthful of his top lip, only faintly tasting the inside of his mouth. He returns it with eager yearning a slight pull on your lower lip, as he removes his, leaning away.

Pleasant silence falls as you lean your head to his shoulder and turn back to face the expanding wilderness

You both soak up the sun, the sky, and one another, till cramps set in from lack of movement and both of you grow hungry.

And you a little tired.

~~~

Over a late lunch Alucard filled in the rest of the gaps. You spend most of the afternoon just at the table talking. Leaving out any more elaboration on his last visitors. Evening is crawling in and with enticement in his voice he asks “Are you ready for our last destination?” 

You would be skeptical if it weren’t for the entirety of earlier being as close to perfect as you can come. You just smile, riding the high of the day. A touch of tired nipping at your eyelids.

“Always” you reply

He scoops you up,  
fear enveloped by warmth.

New memories to write over dangerously toxic old ones. 

New moments to gift yourself when darkness creeps in at night.  
  


“Can we.. not do the thing?”

He gives you a look 

“This thing?”

And in less than a second you’re in a new corridor fighting the nausea and head-rush

“God fucking damn it” 

He laughs, way too pleased.

“I promise that’s the last time I’ll do it without permission little one. It just would have taken us a VERY long time to make it all the way up here and the sun is already setting.”

You’re too caught up in physical discomfort to argue. He slides you down to hobble next to him and comes to a large door. More ornate than the others.

He pushes it open and a beautiful reading room presents itself. 

Then you see why he wanted to hurry.

Greens, reds, and blues dance everywhere as the sunset sings through a large stained glass window. 

Colors catch the ceiling and all over the walls. A small prism at the center of the window makes rainbows shimmer overtop of it all. 

It’s a symphony of colors.

He lets you stand in the doorway with him as you soak in the sensory array filling the room.

“It’s beautiful” 

“I thought you would like it”

You go through the door and he shuts it behind you both. A few feet in your reach your hand up like you’re trying to catch the colored light. Moving it like some sort of magic wraps around your skin. A tiny rainbow in your palm with red ombré fading to blue down your arm. 

“It’s ethereal”

“Just like you” he says burying his face into your hair with a kiss 

You’re too tired and spellbound by the rainbows saturating your view to retaliate his compliment

He pushes you lightly urging you to keep going foreword, as you peek around the corner a wine colored chaise butted up to a backless bookshelf. Cream colored paper edges patterning behind it. 

“Come” 

You follow as he sits you both down then he reclines, inviting you to lay with him. With help you are finally situated. Him propped against the arm while he cradles you with his legs, your head barely reaching his shoulder as you rest against him. 

“Now look” he points at the window, at the very bottom is a clear arched panel that perfectly lines up with the horizon line where the sun is setting. 

You both sit together and watch as the sun slowly disappears, 

to a crescent, 

to a sliver, 

to nothingness. 

All while the entire room remains an array of ghostly colors hazing the air. 

It was absolutely magical. 

You just pull his hand to yours and weave your fingers into his.

No words as you try to soak up the last remaining bit of rainbow as darkness consumes the outside world. 

He lays his chin to the top of your head 

You close your eyes and take in all you can. The touch, the perfect atmosphere, the beauty of it all. 

“There’s one more thing,” he reaches into some unknown space and pulls out a small rectangle. It’s wrapped in brown paper.

“This is for you” he says in a small but sensual voice 

You take it silently and pull at the corners of the paper unwrapping a small leather journal with a gem in the middle that flashes blue and yellow stripes. 

“It’s a sketch pad, I believe the stone on the cover is called labradorite” 

You run your hand over it. Tilting the book back and forth to see the gem flash again. “I thought perhaps this would be better for your small drawings I keep finding everywhere on loose sheets.”

You giggle 

“It’s gorgeous, and very practical” you say in a satirical stern tone.

He laughs “I’m glad you find it acceptable”

“More than” you whisper quietly 

You look up to steal a kiss

He meets you looking down and brings a hand to your chin holding your face to his. You play with his teeth, running your tongue behind his front ones before gliding the entire of the front row fang to fang.

He shivers

You love it.

Making him feel that way—

A sense that you can give back to him. 

A sense that you can be in control.

A sense that euphoria rings between the both of you. 

You tuck the small book between him and the side of the lounge then bring your hand to his neck. Surprisingly cool to your touch.

Kisses turn into desperate grabs at one another’s mouths as the light is almost all but gone from the room. 

A tingle crawls up your side. 

Long fingers caress your thigh

Your heart skips a beat

He has moved desperately slow since your day in the bath together, he still hurts, he’s still fearful.

You stop and look into a flash of gold iris in the warm shadows. “You are safe.”

He shuts his eyes taking a deep breath

“I try so desperately hard to believe that” he breathes out

“Look at me”

Long seconds pass before his eyes fall open 

“ _I will keep you safe_ ”

Some sort of switch flicks, eyes looking side to side at you, trying to find some sort of hole in your words. 

And he buries a hand in your hair followed with an urgent kiss. Like you’re going to dissolve in front of him at any second.

You return it as his hand slides all the way up your skirt to grab onto your hip, perfectly avoiding the large sensitive scar

For once you’re happy to have worn a dress.

Lips break apart as he trails kisses from the corner of your mouth down to your jawline, continuing down to your neck. 

His hand moves to your center gently slipping beneath undergarments 

Sharp inhale

  
You play the brave sensual soul, but touch has evaded you for so long. A mix of your own pushing it away and lack of worthy partners.

He doesn’t falter at your abrupt breath.

Your eyes closed he dips a playful finger into wet warmth. Only enough to spread dulcet arousal to use as he glides, searching for that small ball of bliss. Your hand sifts through fabric to the top of his, directing his fingers to your clit. 

Small circles make you squirm while he all but sinks fangs into your neck. 

Light bites with sharp points dancing on the edge of delicate skin.

It’s worse than regular teasing.

‘But wait.. doesn’t a vampire bite.. make you a vampire? I mean he’s only half. So maybe not? Plus being undead doesn’t sound awful really—“ but you’re interrupted 

He hits just the right spot causing a small jump which makes hovering fangs puncture two small holes.

You can feel his entire body tremble and stiffen 

His hand freezes, leaving you wanting

You feel heat at your neck 

Eyes open to Alucard wrapping his mouth to it drawing what small drops of blood he can from pinprick holes. 

Your eyes roll back as he sucks harder, his hand resuming small strokes as your stomach tightens. 

Your mouth falls open as you feel a deep hum of pleasure from his throat reverberate through your neck. His mouth still attacking it. 

You can already feel blood bruises forming. 

It was intoxicating

‘maybe.. maybe I could do it again, but controlled and purposeful’

He starts to glide his fangs down your neck and just as he stops closer to your shoulder you push yourself into him as best you can, just as fangs break your skin he impulsively bites down 

The most beautiful moan escapes you matching a low growl in his chest 

You can feel him inside

You can feel your own heartbeat 

Like when you run too hard and it bounces in your head and ears 

You take a hand to the back of his neck to push him into you. Reassuring him.

You want this.

His mouth closes tighter 

Another moan

Louder

He finally releases and lets blood pour into his mouth, the hot sensation is pure bliss 

His hand moves to place two fingers inside you slow circles around your walls

“Jesus fuck” you silently scream 

He just latches onto your neck harder and makes his circles faster, larger

Lightheadedness creeps in 

For the first time you notice a hard object to your back 

You smile.

Knowing he’s enjoying this as much as you is perfection. 

But the thought is short lived as his fingers curl and reach the perfect spot

A hand quickly making rhythmic pulses inside you as you twitch 

He hips pushing gently into your back

“Aluca.. I’m..”

But he already knew

One last nibble to your neck and quicker hand motions as you finally feel shaking contractions wash over you

He relaxes his hand to tender strokes and switches to slow kisses on your neck

Gradually removing fingers to have them trace the dips of your folds then finding a resting place on your thigh 

He drops his head to the arm of the chair

You shiver 

It’s usually not as simple as fingers to bring you to climax, but intermingled with whatever love bites just happened was more than enough. 

“That was dangerous” 

You hear him whisper 

“Well you know my love for danger” you say turning to meet his eyes

It’s all but dark now, just a hit of sun keeping a gentle glow in the room 

“I mean it, it’s been.. so long since I’ve done anything like that. I easily could have lost myself.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Yes, but—“

“But we are here, basking in afterglow. Well at least I am.”

He looks away quickly 

‘..did he..?’

You smile “Oh really?”

“Like I said it has been a very long time and sharing blood is very intimate especially in the throes of sexually charged moments” 

He tried to spell out with a dignified voice 

You just slide over one of his legs and curl into him on your side

“So I was right. 

Here we are, basking in afterglow.”

He just shakes his head a little scoffing. 

“I’m glad this was something both of us found pleasure in” you say tucking your head under his chin 

He sighs a hum of approval 

“Do I get to be like you now?” 

He’s confused “What?” 

“I mean.. you bit me, that’s how it works right?”

He laughs “it’s a bit more complicated than that little one”

But your eyes are heavy, the day has been so long. Your lips just barely whisper “Mm, that’s too bad”

And your mind falls into sleep, not noticing the confused excitement emanating from him at your words. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the other mini chapter I promised for the week. Next update this weekend c:  
> I’m excited for how many hits this has since I expected none and did this for funsies.   
> So thank you 💕

You awake in the same spot, the brain fog of morning bringing confusion. ‘Where am I?’

You notice the colorful light gradually filling the room with indirect sunrise. 

‘Holy shit, last night wasn’t a dream’

You hear steady breaths and realize you’re still clinging to Alucard, one leg draped over him. He’s sleeping soundly much to your surprise. You stay very still to let him catch those last few bits of sleep.

Your mind wanders to last night.

Your heart speeds up just thinking about it. It was so simple yet unlike anything you’ve experienced before. With those thoughts comes a slight aching in your neck. 

You can still feel him bite down. 

Still hear his sounds.

Chills.

Then another thought creeps up.

How old is your half vampire?

‘Don’t they live almost forever?

Are you falling for a 1,000 year old?

Or even older?

I mean.. I suppose his parents did it. Maybe it’s less taboo than I feel it to be. But that many years is quite the fucking age gap.’

“Good morning little one” comes a raspy morning voice.

A voice you’ve grown to love.

“Good morning” you say trying to prop yourself up 

He helps as you both come to sit up together

You look at him

‘He doesn’t look old? Barely 25 if even.’

You must have stared too long 

“Yes?” He says with a smile

Your chest is tight. 

Anxious.

You push your anxiety to the side and finally blurt out “I have to know, you’re near a thousand years old right? I mean.. fuck..

I mean how old are you?” 

He laughs and it makes your stomach churn “And why are you concerned with that little one?” 

“You know exactly why, could you imagine if I were to marry a 90 year old human man?” 

“Oh so we are to marry now?” 

You’re on the very edge of annoyed shouting “You know what I mean!” 

He places a gentle hand under your chin and pulls you softly to look at him “I apologize, my taunts sometimes push too far. I’m nearing 21” 

He places a soft kiss but you do not reciprocate. 

He pulls away with a troubled look. 

A certain tone of disbelief accompanies a blunt “dear god I’m fucking older than you.” 

He just smiles staring at you 

“Is that problematic?” 

“I mean.. I don’t think so. I’m not so much older. Only by about 4 years.” 

He places a kiss on your cheek 

“I find humans become much more tolerable with age” 

You hit him on the shoulder playfully in retaliation “And I find men intolerable even  _ with _ age” 

“Ah good thing I am only half man. That means I’m only half intolerable.” 

You flash a toothy smile 

“In all honesty, time and age is somewhat unimportant to a vampire in the grand scheme of things. When life is nearing eternal it does not matter if your partner is 100 years or 5,000, as long as you enjoy one another” 

Your face flushes “Does that.. make us partners?” 

His body stiffens and his hands turn to fists “Is that what you wish?” 

Your insides scream ‘Of course it fucking is, why would I even be asking if it was not? Why would I be throwing myself at you and thirsting for every kiss?’ 

Your voice comes, almost cold 

“That’s not what I asked” 

He takes a moment and reaches for your hand 

“If you will have me” 

You are melting. 

There is nothing left. 

Only a puddle where you used to sit. An empty shell as your heart threatens to stop. There are no words, only fire as you pull him to your lips desperately. 

Like trying to taste if he means the words he just said. Trying to find some bitter lie behind them. 

But there is only warm honeyed bliss. 

Only sincere lips mirroring back every hungry pull and tangled tongue. 

After time starts to move again and you realize you’re out of breath you pull away. Panting. 

“Fuck” 

“Is that so?” He sighs in warm breathless words into your mouth followed by a small peck. “Maybe next you can tell me which books gifted you such a consistently vulgar mouth.” 

He places his lips to yours yet again. 

__________

//: He didn’t realize his mind could go this fast. Even with every intense event in his past his thoughts never flew by like they do now. ‘What about last night? What does this mean now? How does one even have a partner in these circumstances? I suppose my parents did. It’s not impossible. It’s even verging on blissful. I’ve never bonded with another human through blood. Dear god last night was entrancing to say the least. I can—‘

Tal’s voice pulls him out of the hurricane in his head. “That would be the tome of ‘Taverns and Other Drunken Stupors’ it’s very informative with extremely colorful language.” 

Laughter fills the room once again. 

How can there be such endless echos of it? How can it continually come so easily?

‘Maybe this is okay.

Maybe the world is done striking me down.

Maybe this is it’s penance for all the loathsome trials it has forced upon me.’

Maybe it’s time to let go.

He turns to them, their eyes bright, backlit by color pouring from the window. The outline of their silhouette is luminous, if he were ever to compare them to an angel now would be it. 

His eyes wander to their neck 

“Oh no”

Since last night blood had dripped down their neck, some continuing onto their chest, now a black-red, trailing and smearing their skin. 

He slowly lifts a hand but can’t bring himself to touch it “I’m sorry”

They’re confused, the bridge of their nose crumples up “for what?”

They look down to where his hand is hovering over, they just laugh “Well.. yeah, that’s what happens when you get punctured. You bleed. It just looks bad, it doesn’t hurt.” They smile 

“I..”

He pulls his hand back 

He’s guilty

He’s scared 

He takes a deep breath

“I thought I mentioned I didn’t want to be cleaning up any more wounds on you” he tries to curl a smile

“In all honesty I strongly believe this will not even be close to the last wound I receive” 

They both laugh 

“Well as long as they are never as bad as—“ he stops abruptly 

“I have to tell you something I’ve been avoiding. That I’ve been scared to say.” 

He’s purposefully neglected anymore thoughts regarding his impulse decision to use his blood to save them. 

“I... you..

You should be dead.”

He stares at the floor. 

They let out a soft uncomfortable laugh “I think you may have mentioned that once or twice, you kno—“

“No.

You should  **_ really _ ** be dead.

The night I found you, the damage and blood loss were already too great. I made a rash decision that were you conscious, you would have refused.”

They just stare blankly 

“I tainted your blood with my own so that you would live.”

“I don’t understand” they squeak out

“I put some of my blood into your wound. And wiped a small bit at the corner of the incision, that’s why it’s healed faster on that side. I don’t know the repercussions, I’ve never done it to anyone before; and I didn’t ask your permission..”

“Alucard..”

“I didn’t think that maybe you wouldn’t want..”

“Alucard”

In unison:

“Aluca...”

“Wouldn’t want to live.”

Tal’s mouth bores shut.

It opens and closes a few times, like words are trying to climb out but just can’t make it to the top 

“You’re right.

I wouldn’t have wanted you to do it.” 

He takes a staggered inhale 

“But I’m thankful I was not able to make that choice.” 

His face breaks from the floor to their eyes 

“Alucard.. Adrian, my half-vampire..

my love.

Would you have let me die right there? Even if I rejected? Even if I told you to let me meet death?”

The smallest curl on the edges of his lips 

“No”

“Then either way I would be here.

I feel fortunate that you’re the one who found me. That I didn’t have to die alone as a broken person. 

A broken soul.”

Tears fall between the both of you. 

“I didn’t know your blood could heal others besides yourself?”

“It’s kept a secret from the outside world, if humans knew they would hunt us even more than they already do”

“Well your secret, and your blood, is safe with me.” They smile

“But what did you mean ‘repercussions’?”

“I’m not a full vampire, but from what I’ve seen and been told it can be almost like a drug; addicting, side effects, uncontrollable attachment, mania. The more intense effects being manipulation and hallucinations, the lesser being.. a sort of bonded connection of those sharing blood and physical stamina or healing. There could even be other things I don’t know of.”

“So, you’re afraid of.. drugging me?”

“You’re simplifying it, there’s too many unknowns for it to be safe.”

A smile crawls to their face “So this is why I’m so entranced by you”

“That crossed my mind”

“I was being facetious.”

“I was not.

My concern is legitimate”

A long sign comes from them “When I woke up, I thought you were a fucking asshole. 

I think our connection is genuine.”

He just laughs “Well I’ll try to remember that. Just know I’m sorry for acting without consent on such an consequential matter.”

“Mmm.. well I’ll think about forgiving you, maybe you can make it up to me.” They say putting their arms around his neck 

“Oh, saving you from death was not enough to make it up to you?” 

A devilish grin 

“No”

Finally giving him a long kiss 

__________

You both find your way downstairs. He sits you at the table and runs around the kitchenas you stare out the window.

‘I shouldn’t even be here’

The sunrise is warm

You close your eyes, taking in what morning rays you can. Taking in what you would have missed out on if you never made it here. 

“Are you alright?” Comes a worried tone

You didn’t realize but a tear had slipped down your cheek “Yes, I just was thinking about what you said. I was thinking about how I would have missed out on all of this.”

‘Missed out on you’ your mind wants to add 

He just smiles as he sits down with slices of pan-warmed bread, butter, apple wedges and tea. 

You both start to eat,

The sun still gifting its warmth as warm bread and butter is shared between the two of you. ‘How is it the simple things that I find I would have missed most’

A comfortable moment of silent happiness.

__________

//: After starting into his second slice Alucard perks up. “Okay, but you have to tell me, how did you learn to do that thing when you kiss. With your tongue behind my front teeth?” 

They laugh “Do you like that? I’ve always loved the sensation of my teeth being played with. Mine are actually very sensitive.” They eye playfully 

“Well?” 

“Well.. a previous partner turned me on to it.” 

Silence. 

He can tell though they play it off as nonchalant conversation they are anxious about it. He can’t feel their heart beat faster.

“Partner?” 

“Yes.. she was very beautiful, and very interesting” they chuckle with a hint of nervousness. 

He knew it. ‘I suppose now is as good a time as I can get’ “I heard the church isn’t too fond of same gendered couples” he cocked his head smiling. ‘Or threesomes’ his brain rings 

“You’ve seen me, right? I’m not sure what you were expecting” 

“And you’ve seen me” he interjects. “I’m not exactly the stature of masculinity” 

Their mouth falls open a little at what he implies. A small tone of disbelief “No..” 

He pulls a sly smile. “I hope that’s not a problem?” 

“More like the opposite” they say almost too quickly. “And to think, I wasn’t sure you could get more perfect.” 

Another laugh from you both. 

“I believe the church would highly disagree with you— but then again, I’m already a monster half-breed so I’m sure I can’t get much worse.” 

Still laughs. 

“I think they’d drop dead from a heart attack knowing all our sins before they could do anything to us.” They say through laughter. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work has gotten in the way of my usually weekly update. But here we are— sadly shorter than I wanted but better than nothing. c:

Breakfast comes and goes, as Alucard cleans up and you sit stewing in your thoughts about the morning conversations he asks

“So little one, are you ready to start the day? I was thinking we could clean up a bit from last night.”

Your face pulls into a large smile as you realize what he means 

“We? At the same time?” You say in a mocking tone “With your shirt actually off?”

He laughs, but you can spot the discomfort “If that is what you wish”

You backpedal “What I wish is for you to be comfortable. Whatever that may include.”

His face softens in a way you haven’t seen before,

Eyebrows curling and pupils dilated, the corners of his eyes pulled back.

A slow soft smile 

The silence and space between the two of you feels infinite 

But as you accept the quiet and your view falls back out the window, you feel hot breath on your neck. 

You close your eyes.

Soft kisses trail up to your jawline to your lips, a gentle whisper 

“Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?”

Kiss

“Have I ever mentioned how undeserving I am of all your kindness”

Kiss

“All your understanding”

Kiss

“All of you”

Kiss

You just laugh ever so slightly “Neither of us is better than the other, we are wonderful, kind, and understanding together.”

Trying to feed him some sort of self love

He returns your laughter “if you insist little one” and scoops you up.

Fear is still an instinctual reaction but soon culls into the warmth of his chest. 

The infinite staircase could go on forever and you wouldn’t mind, as long as he held you like this.

__________  
  


//: He runs the bath and watches as they sit on the edge of it. Dress still on, feet playing with the falling water. 

How do such simple actions captivate him so much? 

He accidentally catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror from the corner of his eye. 

He turns to meet it.

Eyes less sleep deprived, less sad. 

Checks less sunken.

Hair disheveled from last night.

He reaches up to run his fingers through his hair only to see the red shackle staining his wrist. 

Body frozen and eyes closed he takes a deep breath. He pulls his fingers through his tangled hair and opens his eyes once again.

Meeting himself.

His reflection.

His pained face.

“Aren’t you coming?” rings a voice pulling him out of his head 

He lets out a sigh and walks over to them.

The perfect distraction for right now. Without a word he comes up beside them. Removing shoes and socks, then slacks. Sitting down behind them putting a leg around either side so his feet find theirs in the rising water. He buries his face into their hair, they smell perfect. Placing tiny kisses he notices small hands intertwining with his. ‘I just need to focus on this. Focus on here’ he says to himself over and over.

Then a hand is tapping his to release his grip. Wordlessly he unwraps as they pull their dress out from under them and over their head in one smooth motion. 

All he can see is soft skin in front of him. 

Even better 

He rests his cheek to it closing his eyes 

They squeeze his hand “Are you alright?”

“Mmm” he gives in response, placing a warm kiss on their back. 

“Well then, come join me” they say dropping into the water underwear and all.

He smiles “you’re not even going to take 

off—“ a wet article of clothing hits him followed by a laugh 

He just shakes his head. “I still cannot believe you sometimes” 

“Would you believe me if I told you I wanted you?”

His throat closes up “I.. “

‘Why do I choke up every fucking time.’ His mind races 

“I think..” 

but he’s interrupted by hands on his thighs, nails pushing up towards his center. He actually chokes a little. Trying to clear his throat he looks down to big eyes.

For that second he forgets the few showing scars winding his upper legs. 

They lean a head to his knee “I think it’s your turn to be the center of attention”

A hand crawls to the waist of his last remaining bit of clothes besides his shirt.

Which they never mention is still on.

Without thinking he helps pull them off.

They smile,

He didn’t realize he was already hard.   
A bobbing mess springing to life.

His gut reaction is embarrassment. 

But as he goes to use his shirt to hide under he feels warm.

“Uh.. I..” he can’t find words but finally looking down he sees their mouth wrapped around him. They stop and pull away swirling their tongue around the tip before asking “is that so?” 

“Please, you really don’t hav—“ 

but they go down again. Taking as much of him as they can. They push his legs wider apart and then pull to signal him to move closer to the edge of the bath. He obliges.

In return the tip of their tongue finds the small seam under his head, small flicks and strokes makes his legs tremble.

‘Just give in’ the back of his mind screams 

Just.

Give. 

In. 

His body relaxes as he leans back putting his weight to one hand while letting the other find their head. Weaving fingers in their short hair. 

He’s finally calm, finally no racing thoughts.

Just hums of pleasure as his perfect little work of art conjures whatever sensual magic they’re gracing him with.

Intricate tongue turns to intense, suctioned pulls as they wrap a hand around his base speeding up. His fingers close to a fist in their hair. 

A moan of pleasure from them,

With their sounds as a guide he sharpens his nails ever so slightly releasing his fist of hair and dragging small claws down the back of their head to their neck. 

More moans as they pull him in their mouth even harder and swirl their tongue.

But that last bit of intensity sent him over the edge, a final release; followed by small twitches and tightening stomach. With his eyes closed he didn’t realize he had left their mouth, but it’s still warm, still moving. He sits himself up as best he can and is greeted with a bare chest full of his final orgasmic mess as they rub the head of him between their breasts. They notice his eyes wide on them, they smile, taking the moment to caress each nipple slowly with his head. 

He closes his eyes. 

‘This is a dream.

This has to be a dream.

I’ll wake up.

I’m going to wake up curled on the floor of my old bedroom 

crying.

I’m going to close my eyes, 

reopen,

and they’ll be gone.

and I’ll be empty again.’

“Look at me” 

The voice sounds like a far away echo,

An Illusion 

Hallucination 

Apparition 

“Alucard, look at me”

The voice is sickly sweet

Uncontrolled disassociation 

Stuck so far away

So far..

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you”

Soft and shaky, the sort of voice that prefaces tears. 

Hands squeeze his legs

Eyes finally open. 

“Come here” they grab his hands and pull him to come into the bath. He slips slowly down off the edge into the water sitting and a body comes to his lap wrapping arms around him, placing kisses on his collar bones. “You’re safe.”

Safe

His open eyes don’t see, only the awful images invading his head flash in front of him.

Safe

“I mean it” 

‘Do I even remember what that feels like?’

But then there comes a soft noise, small vibrations on his collar and neck. 

A soft melody.

‘They’re humming’

Soft small voice echos 

“Feel my heart, hear my song, hear my words,

And if I fell, time will tell, I’m in love,

With you face, with your smile, I find home.

I found home,”

Gentle hums follow

“Are you in love little one?” 

Hums stop

He barely recognizes his own voice, finally breaking the tranced moment

He’s only met with kisses on his neck 

A little bit of his heart cracks at the silence 

Because he knows he is already 

Desperately 

Wildly

Painfully 

In love.

Yet he himself cannot break the stagnant wordlessness either. 

Forced silence from the back of his mind 

__________

You can’t pull the words from you mouth,

You ache with reluctance 

Your speech unwilling to cooperate with what your inside always scream 

‘of course I am’

How can you sit nude cradled in the arms of your literal savior still unable to speak your mind. 

But you know why—

This isn’t like all the beautiful books you’ve read, no matter how surreal it feels. 

It has to end. 

You will have to go back. 

Go back to normal.

You don’t want normal, how could you?

The spell of deafening silence is finally broken 

“How long can I stay here?” You ask

“In the bath?

Or.. in the castle?”

“If you have to ask, don’t answer.” your nerve is dwindling

“As long as you wish little one”

‘As long as I wish.

Ah.. so the easy way of saying I’ll need to leave eventually. Like when someone overstays and you mention to “stay as long as you like.” ’

“Okay” is all you can manage.

You look up to his citrine eyes, maybe if you stare long enough, hard enough, you’ll be able to remember this moment forever. 

You lean in and taste him. Trying to take the kiss and lock it up to keep forever. 

The sweetest lips you’ll ever have.

A tear slips down your cheek but with water flecked all over each of you

It goes silent and unnoticed.

You pull away, determined to make the most of every second. 

“Come” you pull him into the water. Shirt still on, long hair damp, you’re starved for the rest of his body. 

You can only imagine the rest of him. 

Funny to have the parts of someone you would usually see first become a coveted taboo. You run your hands overtop of his shirt. Eyes close as your hand traces muscles you didn’t think existed in real life. 

Ending with your hands around his waist a hand comes underneath your chin and with a curled pointer finger gently tipping your head up you stare into a beautiful smile. 

‘This.

This is what I want forever.’


	10. Chapter 10

Over a month has passed, you can finally walk unattended.

The bath ended in cleaning the rest of the blood from you leading into a glorious, mostly nude, nap together. Alucard needed comfort more than anything and you respect that. Even if it stings.

There has been no more talk of being more than the “partners” you previously agreed on.

No more talk of love,

Of staying in the castle,

You want to change that but aren’t sure how.

Days have all started to roll into one another with similar happenings. Meals together, reading and walks, he’s taught you more about the castle and all the strange and wonderful things it has. You’ve even been able to sneak in one or two more baths together but nothing more than what’s already happened took place. 

You know it’s untrue but the small voice in the back of your head is starting to wonder if he doesn’t really want you. 

That maybe,  
there’s something wrong with you. 

That’s why he hasn’t taken it any further.

You’re dying to have the rest of him.

Practically begging for more every time  you’re intimate.

You’re almost starting to get desperate.   
It’s borderline pitiful 

Some days you both spend doing your own endeavors. 

Which can be wonderful all the same. You’ve gotten to read so many more amazing and wonderful books. There’s so much more to the world now that you see what all is possible through both the castle and Alucard’s knowledge.

Stretched across the same lounge he first tasted you. 

Secretly one of the reasons you adore reading there—

You soak up a book on planetary movements, meteor showers, eclipses, and so much more when Alucard walks in. He hovers a second, staring like he’s waiting to say something. 

You look up to him with a smile,

“Yes?”

“I’ve just been wondering.. you never did mention how you learned to read, and so well. You also never mentioned how you came to have such a vast knowledge for an orphan peasant” he side eyes you questionably 

You just laugh and close your book reaching your hands out to him.

He comes to meet you as you pull him down to sit.

“When I was still at the church I was selected as one of the few to be taught to read and write. So I could eventually create tapestries and transcribe verses or even entire bibles. I’m sure if they knew me now they would very much regret that choice” you laugh. “Believe it or not there was a beautiful library there. I got to spend a lot of time with books when not being worked to death or punished.” 

Alucard gives you a look. 

“What? I was an asshole from the womb I don’t know what to tell you” you both chuckle. 

“One day trying to outrun a beating for tucking my hair and running around outside with the boys I ducked behind a lectern pushed up against the wall. 

Behind it was a small door I assumed was a cupboard of sorts. 

The perfect hiding place. 

I found my way in but soon realized it was actually some kind of crawl space. An odd tunnel that kept going. 

Despite my better judgment and honestly.. my fear of the dark, I followed it. 

Eventually I could see lines of light crawling in from around another small door. 

Curiosity got the better of me and I opened it. It went into a dusty room with a single circular window placed very high up. To my surprise it was filled floor to ceiling with books. It looked untouched for a very long time. I doubt anyone had been inside it for years. 

I ventured in and found— to my delight: 

the restricted section.” 

He’s laughing again 

“What?” 

“Of course tiny you would excite over things you are not supposed to stick your nose in” 

You pull your lips back into an amused smile eyeing him. “There was everything; books on Ancient Greece, their gods, magic, dead languages, other religions, combat and soldiers. Even a book with the most beautiful illustrations of nude pagan figures. As well as things way beyond me. Someone named Plato?” 

His face is visibly surprised “You actually found a book on Plato? And you attempted to read it? As a child?” 

“I mean, as I said, it was beyond me. I suppose there was some more simple parts I could wrap my head around. A small bit on some odd theory that forms can exist in multiple ways or that a soul can be immortal.” You look up to a speechless and somehow even paler than usual half-vampire staring blankly. 

Embarrassment washes over you. Like you’re a small child who made a mistake “Did I.. did I misunderstand what I read? Did I just made a fool of myself?” 

He blinks several times “No.. no.. on the contrary. I doubt I can ever compare you to Belmont ever again.” 

You sneak in a quiet quick laugh before he starts again “You are beyond anything I imagined existing coming from a place so stifled. I believe you would even give Sypha a run for all her vast knowledge.” 

Comfortable silence sits between you then he gently breaks it “How did you come to be here then? As wonderfully intelligent and well versed yet you ended without a home, an occupation?” 

You can almost see the regret of his words as the last one falls out. 

He knows the answer yet you give him a sarcastic reply “Ah yes, the overtly intelligent woman who likes to wear slacks would make a great addition to...” you tap a finger to your face dramatically mocking thought“..absolutely nothing. Possibly meeting the fate of a witch on the best of days, beaten and raped to death on the worst. If you don’t farm, cook, sew, or provide more little hands I’m afraid options are quite limited.” 

He exhales a long extended breath, looking at you with intense eyes “Well not here. Never will you have to hide your brilliance again.” 

You smile sadly. 

A sentiment so beautiful that is only temporary. 

Real life outside the castle awaits. 

‘It doesn’t have to’ rings a small voice 

‘Ask to stay, ask to be timeless philosophers and polymaths together like he said his parents were. Ask to make you eternal so you can seek knowledge forever, side by side.’ 

Your thoughts must have crept enough to the forefront to cause a mixed expression because he tilts his head and asks 

“What’s wrong?” 

You shake it off with a tight lined grin as to brush off his inquiry. “It’s wonderful to find a place so fitting. It’s been a long while since I felt I belonged somewhere.” 

His lips curve into the most delicious smile

“I would have it no other way”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh..  
> My doc crashed and even though it’s supposed to auto save/backup of course it didn’t and I lost all of the next 5 chapters I wrote.  
> I’m a cocktail of angry and crying.  
> So 🙃  
> Idk when the next update will be. I’m not sure if this was a sign it should go a different direction or to try and haphazardly reconstruct what I did and be disappointed that it’s not as good. 🥲  
> Here’s a mini chapter I was working on, on my phone that lived:  
> 

//: ‘Why haven’t they spoken anymore about us? 

About staying? 

Why am I too afraid to bring it up? 

They can’t really want to stay here.. isolated, away from the rest of the world, 

no more semblance of normal life.

But.. I don’t know.   
I suppose their life before this wasn’t exactly ideal.

Maybe here they can find something better.

All I want for them is to stay but I think in my asking they will feel the obligation too.

They are always giving even when it doesn’t suit them, 

always putting others needs before their own.

I do not want pity.

I want them to make their own choices.

to choose me.

to choose us.

I try so hard to learn more about them, make them feel they are 

interesting, 

intriguing, 

worth every second of my attention.

_ because they are _

and so much more

I’m afraid my subtleties are going unnoticed.

My interest taken more as general inquiries than passionate interest.   
How can I communicate my love to them? My honest desperation?

No matter how many kisses or genuine attentiveness chased closely by intrigue, 

their persona remains constant and floating just above a twinge of sadness.

I’ve given them all the books they could ever want,

All the food and time together they could ever dream of,

Though they appreciate the gifts and small luxuries, it only seem to make that twinge of sadness grow

and I can’t understand why’


End file.
